Selah Christmas

Big Red Bow Christmas

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...new site...:)

I don't know why, but writing is a passion for me.  It's a good day when I actually have time to write a blog.  Something about being able to connect something the Lord has taught me for someone else brings me such joy...I don't know what it is, but I love it.  Anyway...I have a really supportive husband...one who actually thinks I'm good at this, enough to help get a website created for me...So, if you're interested...here's the new link :)

Blessings!

www.laceywilcox.com

attack of the milk monster

I swear my house has monsters...well, maybe not monsters, but for sure a monster...a scary little monster :).
It's the milk monster.  I'm pretty sure it's a girl.  She comes around our house like clockwork, every two or three hours (but sometimes she's vicious and comes even sooner...)  She's small, and usually smells sweet and soft...although sometimes she has a foul odor that I can't quite place.  For some reason, she never bothers with Kade.  I don't know if she's not interested in him, or if she just likes me better, but she only really comes after me.  She comes, takes her greedy little fill, and then she's gone.  Sometimes, she's not here for very long...but other times, she's there for what feels like forever.  As soon as she's done, she's transformed into the cutest little bundle...sleepy and full, with eyes rolling backwards and a head that keeps wanting to flop forward.  Sometimes, she opens her eyes (for just a second), revealing the most amazingly beautiful baby blues I have ever seen.  And almost always, when she's done, she opens her mouth wide and lets out the biggest yawn...sometimes two or three.
Even though she attacks often, I've fallen in love with this little milk monster.  I just can't help myself.  She's vicious at times, but she's grown on me so much...I often find myself just looking at her, living her chubby little cheeks, touching her sweet fingers, and even kissing her perfect little round nose.  I've even found myself enjoying her "attacks,"enjoying getting to be close to her (as long as she's not in monster mode...:).
In fact, I've found that she's teaching me, molding me me, breaking me.  She teaches me what it means to not be selfish, she makes me forget myself, she teaches me how to rely completely upon the Lord's grace and strength instead of my own.  In fact...I rejoice in my little milk monster...I'm even trying to get her tame so I can keep her...:)

...to the end of myself...

Having a newborn just teaches you alot.  I highly recommend it for almost everyone, at some point in their life, even if it's just watching someone else's for a few hours.  I couldn't even begin to list all the lessons the Lord has used Selah to teach me.
Lessons like what it means to truly surrender my life to His sovereignty and His purpose.  I loved the idea of thinking that my life and my time were mine.  And then He gave me my sweet baby girl.  Overnight, things changed...alot.  All of a sudden I was spending the majority of my day nursing, changing diapers, and trying to figure out how to be a mommy.  There have been (and I know there will be...) many times where I have thought, "I can't do this right now," countless times where I had missed the freedom I once thought I had, moments where I felt completely drug to the end of myself, unable to go much further.
Those moments have turned out to be the most glorious thing that could have happened to me.  It's in being brought to the end of me that I have realized the Lord wants to me exactly that:  that I am finite, limited...I have an end.  Those times have brought me running to Him faster than anything else, coming completely face to face with the fact that He alone is my strength, my portion, my hope, my sustenance.  I can't believe that I can eventually get all of this right on my own, or that I'll eventually have it down pat.  Instead, I have to cling to the very God who is the way, the truth, and the life for me.  And in each of those moments, I am more fully aware of the very grace that has made it all possible:  grace straight from the Cross and my precious Savior, grace that reminds me I don't have to get it right to come to Him...I just have to come.
And realizing that has given me an even greater freedom.  When I realized what it means to completely and fully rely on Him, I became even more aware of what it means to freely offer myself in worship to Him.  You see, I was guilty of claiming my time and my life as my own.  The truth is, however, that even my very seconds and minutes belong to Him.  And so, I will offer them up to Him as a glorious sacrifice, realizing that doing so is a sweet act of worship to His holy name.
These words from David sum it up so well:
"Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever.  Yours, O Lord is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours.  Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all.  Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all.  In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and give strength to all.  And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name."  (1 Chronicles 29: 10-13)
And so today, may you find yourself completely brought to the end of yourself, realizing that you do have an end.  May that truth drive you to depend on the One who knows no end, who holds our lives and purposes in His completely capable hands.  May realizing this make you so incredibly grateful for grace that has set us free, free to offer our lives back to Him, knowing always that they are His.  May you realize and do all of that in a spirit of such thankfulness and worship, striving always for the glory His name deserves.  And may that all bring such joy, joy greater than you have ever known.

just breathe...

My precious daughter has already developed some very unique habits.  One of them is seeing if she can manage to soak herself and the changing table while I am changing her diaper (and then sometimes she decides to use other methods than "soaking...").  Another is making the weirdest (but cutest) little grunting noses, all the time, whether she's hungry, eating, or sleeping.

Some of her habits, however, aren't so cute.  Some of them are hard and frustrating.  Like the fact that she pretty much takes an hour to nurse (we've nicknamed her the Marathon Eater...:) ).  My husband swore up and down it was payback for me being such a slow eater, but that earned him a dirty look, so he hasn't said that in awhile.  Another one of these frustrating habits is that she always decides she wants to suck on her hands...right when it's time to nurse.  Then she gets really mad at me because she's not getting any milk (lol, go figure...we'll get it straight soon enough).  Probably the habit of hers, though, that is the hardest for me, is that there are times when she gets herself worked up so much that she can't stop crying, alot of times for no obvious reason.  I know she's not the only baby that has this habit (in fact, I think it's a habit that just comes with the territory of newborns), but it is definitely the hardest one to watch.  

When she has one of those moments, it kills me.  It's all I can do to watch her, growing more and more frustrated and upset.  Regardless of what I do to try and reassure her, to stabilize her, to let her know I'm here and it's going to be ok, she refuses to be calmed down.  With all I am, I just want to be able to tell her, "just breathe, baby girl...it's going to be ok...trust me."  

Eventually, we weather the storm, and life returns to normal.  But these moments have given me such a vivid image of my state before the Lord.  How many times am I like my precious daughter, crying against Him without understanding, without trust in Him.  I feel guilty even as I look back at the past two weeks.  Over and over since we brought my precious baby girl, I have stressed everything:  did I feed her long enough, am I feeding her too often, did she get enough to eat, should I try and keep her awake right now, should she be sleeping, is it ok to pick her up or does she need to cry this one out, is she going to be ok?  The list is exhausting, and overwhelming.  

My guess is the Lord looks at me, and I probably seem just like my sweet baby.  He probably hears all my worries, and to His ears, they sound just like Selah's cries.  I often wonder if He doesn't look at me and think, "just breathe, baby girl...it's going to be ok...just trust me."

I try to read from the Psalms everyday...they offer encouragement and hope that is so real and relevant, often paralleling the things we ourselves feel.  Today found me in Psalm 53, which starts off with, "The fool says in his heart,"There is no God." They are corrupt, doing abominable iniquity; there is none who does good.  God looks down from heaven on the children of man to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God."  At first I wanted to completely disregard those words...I mean, I believe in God--that must mean I'm not a fool, right??  But as I continued reading them, I was struck by something I had not before thought about:  verse two says the Lord is searching for any who understand, who seek Him...they are the ones who are not fools.

My constant cries, worries, and stresses before Him are the actions of a fool.  I'm not saying it's wrong to cry out to Him, but I am saying my continual stress and unwillingness to rest in His presence is the mark of a fool.  Instead, I want my identity to be centered in the last part of the verse:  I want to be counted among those who "seek after God."  In all things, I want to strive for Him, I want to acknowledge Him, I want to recognize His never-ending presence, provision, and sovereignty over my circumstances.

Though I love my baby girl dearly, I do not want to share in her habit.  I do not want to find myself crying out for no reason, anxious in all things without having sought out the Rock that is my precious Savior.  Instead, as I run to Him and seek Him, I will rest in the steadfast faithfulness and glory of who He is, knowing always that His plans result in the continual praise of His name, and my eventual good.  And with all I am, I will strive to listen when He says, "just breathe baby girl...it's going to be ok...trust me."

...now is not forever...

It's so easy to get caught up in the moment.  Far too quickly, we find ourselves consumed with the here and now, focused only on what is for today.  Think about how easily we do this.  Maybe you've just started a job, and right now it's new, hard, and frustrating.  It's so easy to grow discouraged and wonder if it will ever get any better, or if you will feel like a failure the rest of your career (and at times you might even wonder if you'll have a career...)  Maybe you find yourself in a relationship in which love does not come easily (something that happens in all relationships, not just boy/girl ones...), and it's so tempted to wonder if it things will always be like this, if there's any point in trying to work it out, or if it would be better for you to just get out of it altogether.  Maybe you've just moved to a new place, and find yourself lonely and overwhelmed, thinking you'll never find your niche, your comfortable place.  It's tempting to want to pack up and leave, running back to all you've ever known.
For me, it's to easy to find myself caught up in the moment when my precious baby girl is crying for what feels like the hundredth time in two hours, and I don't really know how to help her.  It's easy to doubt, to question, to dread, and to grow discouraged...feeling like it will be this way forever.
These words from my mother-in-law have been a lifesaver.  I've thought many times about writing them in permanent marker on my daughter's forehead, so that I can't forget them:  "Now is not forever."  Today, right here, right now...is but for a moment.  This time, no matter how hard, how frustrating, or how painful, has a beginning...and an end.  Today will pass, and tomorrow will be here.  And, there will come a day that is not today, one in which the difficulty of here and now will be gone.
So then, what are we to do while we are in today?  While all of that sounds well and good, it does not change the fact that hard circumstances are still...well, hard.  They're still discouraging, and frustrating, and painful.
I think the answer to remind ourselves of whose we are.  In the Psalms, David says, "But I call to God, and the Lord will save me.  Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.  He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage...Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  (Psalm 55:17-18, 22)
Now is not forever.  And with that truth in mind, I will choose instead to cling to what I know will last:  a God who is above and beyond time, a God for whom forever is all He has ever known.  Rather than growing discouraged that today is hard and no fun, I will choose to relish the fact that He always is, and He is always good.  And clinging to that truth, I will reach a time that is not now, and a day that is not today.  May you do the same.

...i want my mommy...

I got a good lesson in what it means to be a mommy this past week.  Who better to teach it to me than my own mom.  I don't know anyone who could deny that she is beyond amazing.  From Sunday to Wednesday night, she was here.
And she wasn't just here.  I mean, she was really here.  As soon as she walked in she was unloading the lunch she had made us.  About thirty minutes later she was cleaning like a madwoman (she even scrubbed my toilets).  For the entire time she was here, she was available...she was intentional, thoughtful.  Sometimes, it was just her presence I needed.  Sometimes, it was her helping hands (which I am still missing).  And sometimes, it was her macarroni and cheese...:)  (The boys are still so thankful Mom!)
It didn't matter what it was.  She didn't care.  She wasn't looking for the most prestigious thing she could do.  She wasn't looking for the easiest, or the most fun.  She was just looking to help.
Why?  Love.  She loves me.  She loves Kade.  She loves Selah.  And love drove her to put herself last...even though it meant she was scrubbing toilets, folding laundry, or getting woken up at all hours of the night.
Sometimes, love isn't easy.  Right now, loving my precious little baby girl has some hard times.  I'm not the first mom who has felt that way, nor am I the first person who has felt that way in loving someone else.  Sometimes, loving someone else is hard.  Yet that is exactly the call for any who would say they are a follower of Christ, the supreme example of what it means to love.
As I watched my mom serving my family and me, I was reminded of my Savior's perfect love.  Her actions perfect followed His commandment to us:  ""Anew commandment I give to you, that you love one another:  just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."  (John 13:15-16)
So, in light of such love, I too will love.  My Savior has loved me, with love that is perfect and real.  And in every way, my mother has shown me what it means to love like that, completely out loud.  Like them, I will love, even when it's not easy.