So...my husband has officially been gone for a grand total of 41 hours, and I've already realized how much of a wimp I am...and how hard it is to sleep by yourself at night...:) To help, I'm making a list of top ten reasons why I'm so thankful for him and for marriage...and hoping to maybe surprise him with some of them...(I would do more, but I'm getting sleepy...)
1. He's actually proud of the fact that I'm such a nerd...:)
You should hear him brag to people that I actually like to write, spell words...he brags about it...
2. Life with him is always an adventure...
No matter where we're going or what we're doing (even if it's going to my parents house spur of the moment)...being with him is always exciting.
3. He likes coffee...almost as much as I do.
I always wanted to wake up and drink coffee with someone, or share a cup together in the evening...now I get to...:)
4. He laughs at me...
And laughs just as easily at himself...if you put us both together, he ends up laughing alot.
5. He likes sunsets...
No explanation needed, right?
6. He makes me feel beautiful, every day...
7. He has really blue eyes...
I know...so lame...but so true...
8. He's a man of vision...
I love getting to partner my life with someone constantly striving to serve the Lord.
9. He makes me want to be more...in every way...in the best way....
10. He gives the best hugs...
There's nothing like coming home and getting so wrapped up you can't breathe...best feeling in the world...:)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Grace of Preeminence
"...He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything, He might be preeminent." ~(Col. 1:18)
I had to ask Kade what that word even meant as I was reading. I still don't know how to spell it. It's huge and complex, and has way too many e's. Basically, it means more...more than anything...above all...superior. In this verse, in this context, this is talking all about Christ.
Have you ever truly thought about the worthiness of Christ?? Of the holiness, the righteousness, the perfection of our God? I don't...not like I should. I mean, I know He's worthy, I know He's perfect, I know He's good...but do I let it grip my life? Do I let it change everything in me so that He alone is my greatest treasure, my sustenance, my hope, my expectation?
This verse is smack dab in the middle of a whole bunch that all point to this very thing. Without a doubt, Paul makes his message clear: our God is the most holy, righteous being in the world. He is above all, in all, and through all. Every single thing was created by Him, and for Him. He is what holds all things together...what keeps all things, what sustains them. Think of what this means for our lives. Every single thing, whether we think of it good or bad...is for Him: marriage, money, family, nature, sickness, laughter...all of it is for Him. Do I believe that? Do I hold onto that? Or do I let myself get caught up in those things, letting them consume my time and attention...rather than allowing them to point me to the One they are for??
And then, verse 18. It says that HE (Christ), is the Head. He's the beginning...He's first, eternal, lasting...He always has been, He always will be. Even more, He was the first to die and be raised to life...the firstborn from the dead. And why did He die?? Why was He raised back to life again? Was it just so that He could save us? Just so that He could be a holy sacrifice, worthy of taking away the sin of the world...not even close. The answer is right there..."He is the firstborn from the dead, that in everything, He might be preeminent."
Wow...talk about an upset to our mentality. Yes...He came so that we could have eternal life with Him. Yes, He came because we have no other hope than His death on the Cross and His Spirit working in our hearts to know Him. The verses that follow talk about how He made peace within us when we knew no peace. But more than that, He came to be more. He came to be preeminent. He came and He died so that we would have no doubt He is the most worthy thing in the world...He is above all, holy, righteous, perfect. He came so that I would realize that, down in my depths, and I would choose Him above all else. (I'm not saying that His death didn't also provide the sacrifice that we needed to keep us from Hell, I'm just saying that it's not the first reason He came...)
It almost doesn't sound very loving, does it? There's something inside of us that almost doesn't like the picture of God coming and dying, so that He could be the most important thing in our life...so that He could consume us, so that He could burn within us. But think about it...He has to be that way...we need it. If we are going to believe that God is who He says...that His holiness and His glory are like all-consuming fire, that He's more than enough to choose, to rest in as our Rock, to stake our lives upon...then He has to come to be preeminent. If He comes and does not first protect His glory, His name, He is no longer worthy of trusting in, of hoping in, of making our Treasure. But the good news, the news worth rejoicing in, of worshiping for...is that He did come...He came to be preeminent...superior...most in our lives...and in doing so, He gave us something worthy of believing in, hoping in, and choosing above all else.
There's so much there...so much I'll never know...never understand...but more than anything else, I want to recognize the fact that my Lord truly is above all, and I want to let that truth change my life...may you do so as well...
in Him...
I had to ask Kade what that word even meant as I was reading. I still don't know how to spell it. It's huge and complex, and has way too many e's. Basically, it means more...more than anything...above all...superior. In this verse, in this context, this is talking all about Christ.
Have you ever truly thought about the worthiness of Christ?? Of the holiness, the righteousness, the perfection of our God? I don't...not like I should. I mean, I know He's worthy, I know He's perfect, I know He's good...but do I let it grip my life? Do I let it change everything in me so that He alone is my greatest treasure, my sustenance, my hope, my expectation?
This verse is smack dab in the middle of a whole bunch that all point to this very thing. Without a doubt, Paul makes his message clear: our God is the most holy, righteous being in the world. He is above all, in all, and through all. Every single thing was created by Him, and for Him. He is what holds all things together...what keeps all things, what sustains them. Think of what this means for our lives. Every single thing, whether we think of it good or bad...is for Him: marriage, money, family, nature, sickness, laughter...all of it is for Him. Do I believe that? Do I hold onto that? Or do I let myself get caught up in those things, letting them consume my time and attention...rather than allowing them to point me to the One they are for??
And then, verse 18. It says that HE (Christ), is the Head. He's the beginning...He's first, eternal, lasting...He always has been, He always will be. Even more, He was the first to die and be raised to life...the firstborn from the dead. And why did He die?? Why was He raised back to life again? Was it just so that He could save us? Just so that He could be a holy sacrifice, worthy of taking away the sin of the world...not even close. The answer is right there..."He is the firstborn from the dead, that in everything, He might be preeminent."
Wow...talk about an upset to our mentality. Yes...He came so that we could have eternal life with Him. Yes, He came because we have no other hope than His death on the Cross and His Spirit working in our hearts to know Him. The verses that follow talk about how He made peace within us when we knew no peace. But more than that, He came to be more. He came to be preeminent. He came and He died so that we would have no doubt He is the most worthy thing in the world...He is above all, holy, righteous, perfect. He came so that I would realize that, down in my depths, and I would choose Him above all else. (I'm not saying that His death didn't also provide the sacrifice that we needed to keep us from Hell, I'm just saying that it's not the first reason He came...)
It almost doesn't sound very loving, does it? There's something inside of us that almost doesn't like the picture of God coming and dying, so that He could be the most important thing in our life...so that He could consume us, so that He could burn within us. But think about it...He has to be that way...we need it. If we are going to believe that God is who He says...that His holiness and His glory are like all-consuming fire, that He's more than enough to choose, to rest in as our Rock, to stake our lives upon...then He has to come to be preeminent. If He comes and does not first protect His glory, His name, He is no longer worthy of trusting in, of hoping in, of making our Treasure. But the good news, the news worth rejoicing in, of worshiping for...is that He did come...He came to be preeminent...superior...most in our lives...and in doing so, He gave us something worthy of believing in, hoping in, and choosing above all else.
There's so much there...so much I'll never know...never understand...but more than anything else, I want to recognize the fact that my Lord truly is above all, and I want to let that truth change my life...may you do so as well...
in Him...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
...grace upon grace...
It's amazing what you find when you keep reading...when you take your eyes off yourself long enough to think on, to understand, to wonder about the greatness of the Lord.
It's His very grace that allows life: breath, laughter, taco soup, and fall days. It's His love that gives us sunsets, rain, groceries, and family. And it's His holiness that allows us to understand and strive for honesty, love, relationship, and worship. That's what He showed me as I began to read His word in Colossians. And my heart was full as I realized that I would know none of that without Him.
But then I read on. Paul continues to encourage the believers at Colossae, praying that they might more fully know and understand the heart and mind of the Lord. Listen to his words as he shouts out the worthiness of God, the reason that He is so deserving of a life lived to delight Him...because HE "has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. HE has delivered us from darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Do we even realize the depth of what that means?? The inheritance of the saints of light...that's Heaven...that's eternal life...that's something to be sure of, to hope in, to rest in...but it's also life with Him, right here, right now...life abundant.
We don't deserve that...it's not a question of deserving that...we never could, we never will. We're not supposed to deserve it...but it's not about us. It's about Him. HE is the one who qualifies us, who brings us life, who gives us hope. He is the one who is worthy of following, of choosing...He gives us this gift, the gift of Himself and life with Him, because He chooses to...because He wants us to know Him, to be amazed at Him, to delight in Him. He wants us to be a part of His kingdom. He wants us to choose Him over everything else...simply for the reason that He gets so much pleasure when we get joy from Him. So often we battle this pressure of feeling like we have to be "enough." Rejoice in the truth that you will never be enough...but He is. He is the One who qualifies us...who brings us out of the junk of our lives...pain, frustration, mistakes, sin, disappointment...all of it. It is His grace that takes us out of that mess, and puts us into His kingdom, His purpose. He becomes light, guidance, direction.
Wow...that's alot. Sometimes you read something like that, and then you wonder what it means...what in the world you're supposed to do with it...
Rejoice in it...Live in it. Let it make you realize how good He is, how worthy. When we know Him, choose Him, when we desire Him and recognize Him as life, when we treasure Him above everything else, that is how we live in the grace upon grace upon grace that He pours out to us. Don't let His grace be for no reason...take it as the gift that it is. Choose Him, and in choosing Him, find abundant, never-ending grace.
May you realize that grace today, and may realizing it point you to the One who is so worthy of your heart, your soul, your mind...
It's His very grace that allows life: breath, laughter, taco soup, and fall days. It's His love that gives us sunsets, rain, groceries, and family. And it's His holiness that allows us to understand and strive for honesty, love, relationship, and worship. That's what He showed me as I began to read His word in Colossians. And my heart was full as I realized that I would know none of that without Him.
But then I read on. Paul continues to encourage the believers at Colossae, praying that they might more fully know and understand the heart and mind of the Lord. Listen to his words as he shouts out the worthiness of God, the reason that He is so deserving of a life lived to delight Him...because HE "has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. HE has delivered us from darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Do we even realize the depth of what that means?? The inheritance of the saints of light...that's Heaven...that's eternal life...that's something to be sure of, to hope in, to rest in...but it's also life with Him, right here, right now...life abundant.
We don't deserve that...it's not a question of deserving that...we never could, we never will. We're not supposed to deserve it...but it's not about us. It's about Him. HE is the one who qualifies us, who brings us life, who gives us hope. He is the one who is worthy of following, of choosing...He gives us this gift, the gift of Himself and life with Him, because He chooses to...because He wants us to know Him, to be amazed at Him, to delight in Him. He wants us to be a part of His kingdom. He wants us to choose Him over everything else...simply for the reason that He gets so much pleasure when we get joy from Him. So often we battle this pressure of feeling like we have to be "enough." Rejoice in the truth that you will never be enough...but He is. He is the One who qualifies us...who brings us out of the junk of our lives...pain, frustration, mistakes, sin, disappointment...all of it. It is His grace that takes us out of that mess, and puts us into His kingdom, His purpose. He becomes light, guidance, direction.
Wow...that's alot. Sometimes you read something like that, and then you wonder what it means...what in the world you're supposed to do with it...
Rejoice in it...Live in it. Let it make you realize how good He is, how worthy. When we know Him, choose Him, when we desire Him and recognize Him as life, when we treasure Him above everything else, that is how we live in the grace upon grace upon grace that He pours out to us. Don't let His grace be for no reason...take it as the gift that it is. Choose Him, and in choosing Him, find abundant, never-ending grace.
May you realize that grace today, and may realizing it point you to the One who is so worthy of your heart, your soul, your mind...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
grace
Grace. It's a powerful word...a word that's deep, and full, and good, and so beautiful. And I never realized how little I understood it until now. I was reading a few days ago in Colossians, chapter 1. Paul is telling the church at Colossae how he prays for them: he starts every prayer with gratitude to the Lord for the faith and love they have shown because of the hope they have known in Christ...the kind of hope that is lasting, real, and comes from knowing that they have a security in a holy, might, worthy God...from knowing the truth of the gospel. He rejoices, because they have "understood the grace of God in truth" (vs 6).
All of that is good...there's so much there to chew on, to think about, to apply. But it's that last part that got me...what does it mean to understand the GRACE of the Lord? When I was little, Sunday school lessons taught me that grace is getting what I don't deserve. It's a pretty definition, all neat in a box, and it is true...but what does that mean?? What does it mean that I get what I don't deserve? What does it mean to really wrap your mind around grace from God Himself?
I still don't understand it all...in fact, I would love to hear someone way wiser than I am explain it. The prayer of my heart as I read this and tried to figure it all out was this: "Teach me what Your grace is. Show it to me...let me know it, let me understand it..." I think He's still answering, but the things He showed me in response were beautiful:
That same morning, I went in to kiss my husband good-bye (not all of us have to leave the house at 6:45 ;). As he held onto me, kissed me, told me how much he loved me...tears came to my eyes: grace...that is grace. To know and experience such love...love that I just don't deserve...that's grace. My love lesson from the Lord continued: a 40 mile ride to school in safety, my own masterpiece of color and light along the way, precious children that love me (even when I pull their tags...), the ability to work, to laugh, to love, to praise...that is grace. He gives it so freely, so willingly...not because I deserve it, but because He is good, holy, and faithful. Allowing me to experience His grace allows me to rejoice in who He is.
There's so much more there...the grace of His Son, the gift of the Cross, love so deep and wide it embraces all of me. It's overwhelming. Look for it today...rejoice in it...think about it...be thankful for it. Don't miss it...it's there....and in finding it, in realizing it, let Him show you the depth of who He is.
...in grace...
Monday, September 14, 2009
...abundance...
So...this weekend, I got to see one of my very best friends as she walked down the aisle. She truly was radiance in motion, and everything was so perfect, from all the little wedding details like home-made chocolate covered pretzels ;) to an evening spent laughing with all my other best friends (and good food at Cracker Barrel doesn't hurt ;).
It's funny how things like weddings always manage to make you think. There's just something about all the intensity of the moment, all the wonder of it, and all the chaos (because weddings TRULY are their own type of chaos...haha, or at least mine was!) that suddenly sets the mind to thinking about life and love, and everything in between.
As I was standing at the beginning of the aisle, watching with joy as the beauty of the night began to reach down before us all, the song playing turned to "How Deep the Father's Love for Us..." I sound like a Hallmark card, but in that moment, I truly was overwhelmed with the love of my Father. Honestly, do we ever think about His love enough: How deep the Father's love for us...How vast beyond all measure...that He would give His only Son, to make a wretch (that's you...that's ME) His treasure. I mean, His love is so good, so perfect, so senseless...WHY would He ever love us...let alone, love us so deeply? Why does He grant us such blessings: knowing that the very God of this Universe has loved me...has given Himself for me; laughing with my friends and their husbands and rejoicing in the women of God they have become; sleeping next to my husband and knowing that in the morning, I get to wake up and LIVE LIFE with him; being reminded daily that life is a process, and that there are no shortcuts on the journey; going for a run in the wilderness, being romanced by a big Texas sky; texting my sister all day, feeling so connected to her even two hours away; watching my students grow and change (and getting to hear them ask me if we are going to EXPERIENCE apples tomorrow)...God, I don't deserve any of it...at all!!
And yet, that's just the point. Deserving it is not even a question, doesn't even cross my Lord's mind. I don't...it shouldn't be mine...it should NEVER be mine...The point is not deserving it. Rather, the point is that He grants it...because of who HE is. The point is that He gives them, because He can...because He chooses to...because He's God. And we, mere human beings who succeed most often and getting it wrong, get to enter into such grace, such love, such mercy in complete freedom...because He has first loved us.
I dare you today...don't just count your blessings...don't just name them one by one. Shout them out...let them bring your face to praise...to adoration to the only Source of them all...don't just point them out and then turn to the next thing to get done. Instead, let yourself burn with the joy of them...rejoice OUT LOUD that we can't deserve such perfect love, and let your love flow for the only One who can give it.
May this day be one in which you find yourself completely overwhelmed in His love, in who He is, and in the complete abundance of all He has given.
with joy~
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It's a Choice...
Growing up, I never would have thought I was a stubborn child. Jessie, definitely, but me??? No way...My parents (and my sister ;) would probably say otherwise. Looking back, I might have to admit that I had some stubborn moments. I can't tell you how many times I remember my Mom and Dad (who have suddenly become so wise the past few years...) telling me, "someday, you're going to realize I'm right..." I always rolled my eyes and kinda laughed to myself. Of course now, I realize that they actually did know what they were talking about, and even had some really good points...:D
One of the things that has come back to haunt me on an almost daily basis lately has been something that my Daddy said to me over and over again. Sometimes, it was at the shop, while he pounded away on a saddle and I pretended to help him. Other times, it was at the breakfast table, talking about the things we all had going on. And sometimes it was at night, when he would quietly come in my room, listen to everything that had gone on, and quietly remind me of his love without even saying a word. I can hear his voice now: "It's a choice, Lace. Life's a choice. Choose joy."
Not really the kind of wise words you want to hear when you want answers to all your problems. Not the kind of words you want when all you want is to know how to make things easier. Not really the answer we look for even now as face our daily battles. And yet, Daddy always knows best...always...:)
When I was younger, I had no idea what it meant. "Choose joy????" OF COURSE I choose joy?? Who doesn't want that?? Naively, I thought my mere desire for joy qualified me to have it...wrong again :). I'm beginning to see now what he meant. Every single moment brings with it a choice: the choice to get frustrated, the choice to over-react, the choice to be selfish and make it about me, the choice to take my eyes off of my Father, the choice to get angry and lash out, the choice to hold onto a grudge rather than running to forgiveness. We'd be ignorant to deny that every single moment brings with it a battle, a decision. I can choose myself, my own desires, my own ways, and run after that path. I can make every thing about me, and then throw a fit when the rest of the world doesn't chime in. I can choose to walk in misery, hanging my head and sticking out my lip because I didn't what I wanted. It's the easier choice, the one that feels better in the moment. I mean, let's be honest...who doesn't want to have things go their way???
Or...I can choose the way that is life. In Deuteronomy 30:11-16, Moses gives Israel his farewell address. He's done, his time is over...he's leaving them his last words. You might think that when someone is saying good-bye, they'd mention how much they loved a group, how much they will miss them. Not Moses. He spends entire chapters counselling Israel one last time. He tells them what will happen if they follow the Lord (what God Himself has promised them), and what will happen if they run after other idols. And then he says these words, "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees, and laws; THEN you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." (vs. 15, 16). It's like he's giving them a multiple choice quiz, and then telling them the answer. Choose LIFE, he says. Choose the way of our God. Not just because of the blessing, but because His way is life! He's the only one who is worthy of choosing, the only one who is worthy of following, the only one worth staking your lives upon! Choose Him, and in doing so you choose what is BEST.
It sounds so simple, doesn't it?? Choose life. Follow Christ. Easy, I can do that. Yet, we fail to realize how much ourselves get in the way.
I don't know how often in the past few weeks I've had to remind myself to choose the way that leads to joy, to life. It isn't something that just happens naturally inside us, though we wish it would. It's intentional, on purpose. It requires diligence, commitment, desire. With every moment, with every choice, be reminded that choosing CHRIST is the choice that leads to life.
And if you happen to hear Jeff Anderberg's voice ringing in your ears saying, "It's a choice...it's a choice...choose JOY," count yourself extremely blessed.
Choose joy...:)
One of the things that has come back to haunt me on an almost daily basis lately has been something that my Daddy said to me over and over again. Sometimes, it was at the shop, while he pounded away on a saddle and I pretended to help him. Other times, it was at the breakfast table, talking about the things we all had going on. And sometimes it was at night, when he would quietly come in my room, listen to everything that had gone on, and quietly remind me of his love without even saying a word. I can hear his voice now: "It's a choice, Lace. Life's a choice. Choose joy."
Not really the kind of wise words you want to hear when you want answers to all your problems. Not the kind of words you want when all you want is to know how to make things easier. Not really the answer we look for even now as face our daily battles. And yet, Daddy always knows best...always...:)
When I was younger, I had no idea what it meant. "Choose joy????" OF COURSE I choose joy?? Who doesn't want that?? Naively, I thought my mere desire for joy qualified me to have it...wrong again :). I'm beginning to see now what he meant. Every single moment brings with it a choice: the choice to get frustrated, the choice to over-react, the choice to be selfish and make it about me, the choice to take my eyes off of my Father, the choice to get angry and lash out, the choice to hold onto a grudge rather than running to forgiveness. We'd be ignorant to deny that every single moment brings with it a battle, a decision. I can choose myself, my own desires, my own ways, and run after that path. I can make every thing about me, and then throw a fit when the rest of the world doesn't chime in. I can choose to walk in misery, hanging my head and sticking out my lip because I didn't what I wanted. It's the easier choice, the one that feels better in the moment. I mean, let's be honest...who doesn't want to have things go their way???
Or...I can choose the way that is life. In Deuteronomy 30:11-16, Moses gives Israel his farewell address. He's done, his time is over...he's leaving them his last words. You might think that when someone is saying good-bye, they'd mention how much they loved a group, how much they will miss them. Not Moses. He spends entire chapters counselling Israel one last time. He tells them what will happen if they follow the Lord (what God Himself has promised them), and what will happen if they run after other idols. And then he says these words, "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees, and laws; THEN you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." (vs. 15, 16). It's like he's giving them a multiple choice quiz, and then telling them the answer. Choose LIFE, he says. Choose the way of our God. Not just because of the blessing, but because His way is life! He's the only one who is worthy of choosing, the only one who is worthy of following, the only one worth staking your lives upon! Choose Him, and in doing so you choose what is BEST.
It sounds so simple, doesn't it?? Choose life. Follow Christ. Easy, I can do that. Yet, we fail to realize how much ourselves get in the way.
I don't know how often in the past few weeks I've had to remind myself to choose the way that leads to joy, to life. It isn't something that just happens naturally inside us, though we wish it would. It's intentional, on purpose. It requires diligence, commitment, desire. With every moment, with every choice, be reminded that choosing CHRIST is the choice that leads to life.
And if you happen to hear Jeff Anderberg's voice ringing in your ears saying, "It's a choice...it's a choice...choose JOY," count yourself extremely blessed.
Choose joy...:)
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Application
Does anybody remember that song “Ironic?” I used to pretend I knew all the words (and that I could sing) as were driving on the bus to junior high basketball games. Anyhow, I have a new lyric for it: Isn’t it ironic when you write this ridiculously long blog on the importance of perspective, attitude, and keeping your center on Christ, only to shut your computer down, and immediately struggle with that very thing..and lose?? I won’t go into all of the details, in part because they don’t involve just me, and in part because they would quickly show how selfish and shallow I am.
Anyway, suffice it to say that I wrote out the things on my heart a few nights ago, thought that I had maybe been able to provide some words of encouragement, and even felt like I was ready to tackle whatever mud and mire Satan could throw at me. I’m just thankful I can’t hear him laugh out loud…
Why do we do that? Why is it we can think such good thoughts about something, be so ready to do it, to fight for it, to make it happen…only to find ourselves struggling with it a few seconds later? In just a few days since writing about the junk Satan tries to drag us through, I have found myself in that same junk more than I care to admit. Lord, it is with pained hearts we come to You and confess that loving Your Word and Your ways, desiring You, wanting You more than life is so hard. We want it, we know we should want it, and yet everything within us fights against it. God forgive us. You alone are worthy, Lord. Let us fight to believe it, Father. Let us fight to live it, to breathe it, to consume it as sustenance…God You are so much more than anything else. Nothing compares, so incline our heart to Your word and Your ways, open our hearts and our eyes that we may realize what You desire of us, unite our hearts so that every thought, every breath, everything is of the single-mind of knowing, loving, and obeying You, satisfy us with only You so that we will not be pulled down into the pits Satan lays for us. Do all these things in us that Your name may be made know, that You may be praised. Oh Lord, You’re worthy
So…again I have to ask….why the struggle?? Why did I think I had it all figured out, only to find that it was way harder than I realized? I think part of that is because….that’s life. In the words of Coby Colley, we’re a jacked up people. Our hearts don’t naturally want to do those things that we know are life (even Paul dealt with that battle!). And so we don’t want to choose to love Christ more than anything, to put Him in our eyes above all else. And yet, that is the beauty of choice. It’s intentional. It’s action. It’s a decision I make and have to carry out. It’s not something that is forced upon me….I must recognize that my beloved Jesus is worth more than my very life and choose to hang everything I am upon Him. I think that’s why the Lord cries out through Samuel: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams” (1 Samuel 15:22), choosing Him means we recognize His glory, His worth, and we desire it above all else.
The other beautiful thing about choice (or maybe I should say, the difficult thing about choice) is that it is a daily battle. Every morning, I must renew my love for my Father…every morning I must renew my discipline and my diligence for Him, every morning I must awake and remind myself that my hope and expectation are in Him, because there is no other place to lay them…there is nothing else I want other than to love Him, know Him, and follow Him. Part of the reason I think we struggle with carrying things out is that a lot of times we fail to think about application. I’m a first grade teacher, and let’s face it…first graders are smart, but there’s still a lot they don’t know. One of the things I try to do with my kids is to help them visualize things…especially when I’m trying to help them learn a certain behavior or procedure. Over and over we talk about what it should look like to walk in a straight line in the hall, what it sounds like to talk quietly in the cafeteria, how it feels to do our job at the Gathering area, what it means to do your job on your worksheet. Over and over, we drill application. That way, when it comes time to execute what I’m teaching them, they have a picture in their mind to follow.
We have to do the same thing as believers. We must think about the application of our faith. We have to realize that choosing Christ is going to be a daily choice…a daily battle. So, I’m going to pretend that I’m in first grade again. What is it going to like today for me to follow Christ…to hold onto Him as my Treasure and not let go? What needs to happen for me to do that? Lots of things: I need to be diligent to spend time with Him, to be in His Word, to talk with Him, to meditate upon His ways and what He has shown me and apply it to my life. In Psalm 119:121, David says, “I have done what is just and right…” how could he say that with such confidence? Every single day, he gorged himself on the word of the Lord, he thought about it, chewed on it, devoured it until it burned in his heart and mind. And then, he followed it. Another thing I have to do is slow my life down. I find myself so stinkin’ quick to react, to respond. Far too often, I do so, and then cause pain, to others and myself. Instead, Lord, help me to stop, to think about how I should act according to Your ways. Doing so allows me to pursue You as my Treasure and my life. I also need to remember that this truly is a process, that I need to allow the Lord to continue His work in me, day in and day out. Doing so will help me remember to take it one day at a time, moment by moment, battle by battle.
I don’t know if that helps or not. My prayer is that each day will lead me (and you, my dear fellow traveler), into a closer walk with my Lord, that every single part of the process will be seen as my journey towards Him, my Treasure and my life.
Be blessed…
Anyway, suffice it to say that I wrote out the things on my heart a few nights ago, thought that I had maybe been able to provide some words of encouragement, and even felt like I was ready to tackle whatever mud and mire Satan could throw at me. I’m just thankful I can’t hear him laugh out loud…
Why do we do that? Why is it we can think such good thoughts about something, be so ready to do it, to fight for it, to make it happen…only to find ourselves struggling with it a few seconds later? In just a few days since writing about the junk Satan tries to drag us through, I have found myself in that same junk more than I care to admit. Lord, it is with pained hearts we come to You and confess that loving Your Word and Your ways, desiring You, wanting You more than life is so hard. We want it, we know we should want it, and yet everything within us fights against it. God forgive us. You alone are worthy, Lord. Let us fight to believe it, Father. Let us fight to live it, to breathe it, to consume it as sustenance…God You are so much more than anything else. Nothing compares, so incline our heart to Your word and Your ways, open our hearts and our eyes that we may realize what You desire of us, unite our hearts so that every thought, every breath, everything is of the single-mind of knowing, loving, and obeying You, satisfy us with only You so that we will not be pulled down into the pits Satan lays for us. Do all these things in us that Your name may be made know, that You may be praised. Oh Lord, You’re worthy
So…again I have to ask….why the struggle?? Why did I think I had it all figured out, only to find that it was way harder than I realized? I think part of that is because….that’s life. In the words of Coby Colley, we’re a jacked up people. Our hearts don’t naturally want to do those things that we know are life (even Paul dealt with that battle!). And so we don’t want to choose to love Christ more than anything, to put Him in our eyes above all else. And yet, that is the beauty of choice. It’s intentional. It’s action. It’s a decision I make and have to carry out. It’s not something that is forced upon me….I must recognize that my beloved Jesus is worth more than my very life and choose to hang everything I am upon Him. I think that’s why the Lord cries out through Samuel: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams” (1 Samuel 15:22), choosing Him means we recognize His glory, His worth, and we desire it above all else.
The other beautiful thing about choice (or maybe I should say, the difficult thing about choice) is that it is a daily battle. Every morning, I must renew my love for my Father…every morning I must renew my discipline and my diligence for Him, every morning I must awake and remind myself that my hope and expectation are in Him, because there is no other place to lay them…there is nothing else I want other than to love Him, know Him, and follow Him. Part of the reason I think we struggle with carrying things out is that a lot of times we fail to think about application. I’m a first grade teacher, and let’s face it…first graders are smart, but there’s still a lot they don’t know. One of the things I try to do with my kids is to help them visualize things…especially when I’m trying to help them learn a certain behavior or procedure. Over and over we talk about what it should look like to walk in a straight line in the hall, what it sounds like to talk quietly in the cafeteria, how it feels to do our job at the Gathering area, what it means to do your job on your worksheet. Over and over, we drill application. That way, when it comes time to execute what I’m teaching them, they have a picture in their mind to follow.
We have to do the same thing as believers. We must think about the application of our faith. We have to realize that choosing Christ is going to be a daily choice…a daily battle. So, I’m going to pretend that I’m in first grade again. What is it going to like today for me to follow Christ…to hold onto Him as my Treasure and not let go? What needs to happen for me to do that? Lots of things: I need to be diligent to spend time with Him, to be in His Word, to talk with Him, to meditate upon His ways and what He has shown me and apply it to my life. In Psalm 119:121, David says, “I have done what is just and right…” how could he say that with such confidence? Every single day, he gorged himself on the word of the Lord, he thought about it, chewed on it, devoured it until it burned in his heart and mind. And then, he followed it. Another thing I have to do is slow my life down. I find myself so stinkin’ quick to react, to respond. Far too often, I do so, and then cause pain, to others and myself. Instead, Lord, help me to stop, to think about how I should act according to Your ways. Doing so allows me to pursue You as my Treasure and my life. I also need to remember that this truly is a process, that I need to allow the Lord to continue His work in me, day in and day out. Doing so will help me remember to take it one day at a time, moment by moment, battle by battle.
I don’t know if that helps or not. My prayer is that each day will lead me (and you, my dear fellow traveler), into a closer walk with my Lord, that every single part of the process will be seen as my journey towards Him, my Treasure and my life.
Be blessed…
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Escaping Despondency
A couple of summers ago, I read Pilgrim's Progress...the entire thing...no cliff notes or anything. I'm not gonna lie. It took alot of days laying out at the pool to get it all read (real suffering right?? :). Anyway, it really is something I'm proud of...it's not something people do everyday (at least not me...) I wish, however, that I could say I remember more of it than I do...but after about the 200th page of 8 point print, things start to run together.
There are some parts that will stick out to me forever, though. The whole book is amazing. Reader's Digest version, a man named Christian realizes destruction is about to come to his city (come to find out, they're all a bunch of major sinners...huh, sound familiar :)??). The rest of the book is about his journey to escape the destruction, and enter into eternal life (I know that I just messed that up really bad...but that's not my point).
Here's the part that has stuck with me. Along the way, one of the obstacles Christian has to go through is called the Slough of Despond. It's a nasty place...the only way to be done with it is to go through it, and yet going through it is nearly impossible. The nasty, disgusting stuff doesn't let go...it just drags Christian down farther and farther.
It hit me today that our mindsets are like that. Do you ever have a day that just feels like a Slough of Despond?? Like, no matter what you do, you just can't get above the discouragement, the lack of joy and life, the blah-ness? The kind of day where you look in the mirror at the end of it and wonder, what the heck did I even come close to accomplishing? Today was kinda one of those days for me. I never do well when I feel like I'm behind in my job, or even worse, when I don't feel like I'm doing my job well. I allow myself to get overwhelmed and stressed out far too easily, and besides that, who isn't at least a little tired by the time Thursday rolls around? (Please don't tell me I'm the only one...:/) Sometimes, life just seems to grab hold and drag you down...and not let go.
And yet, the crazy thing is, it doesn't have to be that way. I've been reading in Psalm 119 lately (it's so stinkin' long I can't read it in a day if I try...), and I'm amazed at the attitude of the Psalmist. Several times, he talks about the persecution he's facing...people are after his very life (umm...all of a sudden my day looks a little better...). Over and over, he pleads for God to show mercy, to spare him, to deliver him. But, what sticks out to me most is the way that he clings to the Word and the ways of the Lord: "May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause; but I will meditate upon Your precepts (vs. 78)." "My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, 'When will you comfort me?' Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke (basically, I'm dried up, with almost nothing left...again, my day looks brighter), I do not forget Your decress (vs 82-83)." "If Your law had not been my DELIGHT, I would have perished in my affliction (vs. 92)." I don't think I'm doing God's Word any injustice when I say that there is no doubt David placed his entire being, all of his hope, purpose, and expectancy in the Lord and what He has said. Psalm 62:5 says, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Without a doubt, this is the heart of David.
Anyway, that's a whole lot of rambling. But, what I'm trying to get at is that it didn't matter what David's circumstances were...it didn't matter who was after his life, who wanted the throne, or what problem had arisen in the kingdom (or his life). His life, his heart, his soul, were centered upon a Rock, a solid place. As I've read through Psalm 119, listened to people with way more wisdom than I'll ever know, and gone through my own experiences, I'm learning (and learning is the key word...it's all about process right?? :) that days stuck in the Slough of Despond don't have to happen. That doesn't mean there won't be times when it's tempting to go down there, and even more tempting to just stay there, but they don't have to be REALITY. Here's what David rested his life upon, and what I want to as well: when I put everything I am: heart, soul, energy, desires, aside and make room for the only One who is worthy of hope, expectation, love, my focus is off of everything that tends to pull me down. The more that I tend to think about how bad those kinds of days are, the worse they become. Instead, I pray that God will open the eyes of my heart, that He will blind me with His presence, and He will so completely overwhelm and overtake all of me that there is no room for that nasty mess. Even in the rough times, we have a choice: we can allow ourselves to slip down into the mess, to the mire and get caught up in "how bad" it all is...OR...we can run to the Rock, to the Lord...we can make Him our center, our Focus, our delight, our passion...and in doing so, suddenly realize that maybe we weren't as far in the muck as we'd thought.
Just a thought (or rather, several of them...:) my dear fellow travellers. I pray that today, no matter what your path may hold, you might find your eyes lifted up, in full exultation and adoration of the One who is completely worthy of our focus and our praise. Oh Lord...thank you that You truly are above it all!
...in Him...
There are some parts that will stick out to me forever, though. The whole book is amazing. Reader's Digest version, a man named Christian realizes destruction is about to come to his city (come to find out, they're all a bunch of major sinners...huh, sound familiar :)??). The rest of the book is about his journey to escape the destruction, and enter into eternal life (I know that I just messed that up really bad...but that's not my point).
Here's the part that has stuck with me. Along the way, one of the obstacles Christian has to go through is called the Slough of Despond. It's a nasty place...the only way to be done with it is to go through it, and yet going through it is nearly impossible. The nasty, disgusting stuff doesn't let go...it just drags Christian down farther and farther.
It hit me today that our mindsets are like that. Do you ever have a day that just feels like a Slough of Despond?? Like, no matter what you do, you just can't get above the discouragement, the lack of joy and life, the blah-ness? The kind of day where you look in the mirror at the end of it and wonder, what the heck did I even come close to accomplishing? Today was kinda one of those days for me. I never do well when I feel like I'm behind in my job, or even worse, when I don't feel like I'm doing my job well. I allow myself to get overwhelmed and stressed out far too easily, and besides that, who isn't at least a little tired by the time Thursday rolls around? (Please don't tell me I'm the only one...:/) Sometimes, life just seems to grab hold and drag you down...and not let go.
And yet, the crazy thing is, it doesn't have to be that way. I've been reading in Psalm 119 lately (it's so stinkin' long I can't read it in a day if I try...), and I'm amazed at the attitude of the Psalmist. Several times, he talks about the persecution he's facing...people are after his very life (umm...all of a sudden my day looks a little better...). Over and over, he pleads for God to show mercy, to spare him, to deliver him. But, what sticks out to me most is the way that he clings to the Word and the ways of the Lord: "May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause; but I will meditate upon Your precepts (vs. 78)." "My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, 'When will you comfort me?' Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke (basically, I'm dried up, with almost nothing left...again, my day looks brighter), I do not forget Your decress (vs 82-83)." "If Your law had not been my DELIGHT, I would have perished in my affliction (vs. 92)." I don't think I'm doing God's Word any injustice when I say that there is no doubt David placed his entire being, all of his hope, purpose, and expectancy in the Lord and what He has said. Psalm 62:5 says, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Without a doubt, this is the heart of David.
Anyway, that's a whole lot of rambling. But, what I'm trying to get at is that it didn't matter what David's circumstances were...it didn't matter who was after his life, who wanted the throne, or what problem had arisen in the kingdom (or his life). His life, his heart, his soul, were centered upon a Rock, a solid place. As I've read through Psalm 119, listened to people with way more wisdom than I'll ever know, and gone through my own experiences, I'm learning (and learning is the key word...it's all about process right?? :) that days stuck in the Slough of Despond don't have to happen. That doesn't mean there won't be times when it's tempting to go down there, and even more tempting to just stay there, but they don't have to be REALITY. Here's what David rested his life upon, and what I want to as well: when I put everything I am: heart, soul, energy, desires, aside and make room for the only One who is worthy of hope, expectation, love, my focus is off of everything that tends to pull me down. The more that I tend to think about how bad those kinds of days are, the worse they become. Instead, I pray that God will open the eyes of my heart, that He will blind me with His presence, and He will so completely overwhelm and overtake all of me that there is no room for that nasty mess. Even in the rough times, we have a choice: we can allow ourselves to slip down into the mess, to the mire and get caught up in "how bad" it all is...OR...we can run to the Rock, to the Lord...we can make Him our center, our Focus, our delight, our passion...and in doing so, suddenly realize that maybe we weren't as far in the muck as we'd thought.
Just a thought (or rather, several of them...:) my dear fellow travellers. I pray that today, no matter what your path may hold, you might find your eyes lifted up, in full exultation and adoration of the One who is completely worthy of our focus and our praise. Oh Lord...thank you that You truly are above it all!
...in Him...
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The Joy of Process...:)
I have officially been married for three weeks, four days, and about three hours. In that short amount of time, I feel like I have experienced every emotion a person can know: love, joy, exultation, failure, sorrow, anticipation, epiphany, exhaustion...the list could go on. To say it even better, in the past three weeks I have found myself entering into life.
To be quite honest, I was really unprepared...I mean, horribly unprepared. The fault is mine. In my own world of hearts and butterflies and rose-colored glasses, I had painted a picture of reality with colors that don't exist...and that never will. In my mind, my "reality" was so perfect. Anything that didn't match it was not going to be good enough...period. It didn't take long to realize I was going to always be a very disappointed girl...:)
But, God is gracious (and forgiving), my husband is patient, and my earthly father is wise (brutally so...:/). Thanks to them, my eyes were opened to so many things. Reality (and for that matter LOVE) is what it is. It's not perfect, neat, and definitely doesn't fit into any pretty boxes I know of. Instead, it's messy, painful, and at times ugly. I didn't want to believe it...I couldn't...how could something that was supposed to be as perfect as I'd made up in my mind be so..well...not??
And yet (and I had to realize this with a lot of patience and grace...), that's the BEAUTY of it. It's not going to be dreamy, romanticized, or perfect...at least not our idea of perfect. But what is so amazing about God is that He designs us that way. The very fact that we'll never get it all right drives us to realize how badly we NEED Him. We have no other hope of joy, of life, of peace, or satisfaction without Him. The very fact that we are a jacked up people leads us to the One who is above it all. He alone is worthy...of love, hope, expectation, desire, delight...all of it.
Probably the other single most valuable lesson I have learned in all of this is that the journey...the path to this absolute satisfaction and delight in Him (and the joy that results in the other parts of my life because He is all), is a process. It takes time...it takes energy...it takes work. Not in the sense that we accomplish it all on our own...I'm no longer naive enough to believe in bless your heart philosophies like that one. Rather...God works in us...but it takes time and diligence for us to get out of His way, and to begin to work out the things He is working in.
And so...I am learning the joy of process. The joy that daily, I am learning what it means to place all my hope, all my expectation, all my desire, and all my love in the only One who will truly satisfy. I am learning what it means to die to myself, that I might rise to a life that is hidden in Him...that I might set my heart and mind on the things above, and in doing so find a burning satisfaction, a desire, a joy that consumes any girlhood fantasy I might want to create. I pray that you might know the same as well.
....live loved...
:)
To be quite honest, I was really unprepared...I mean, horribly unprepared. The fault is mine. In my own world of hearts and butterflies and rose-colored glasses, I had painted a picture of reality with colors that don't exist...and that never will. In my mind, my "reality" was so perfect. Anything that didn't match it was not going to be good enough...period. It didn't take long to realize I was going to always be a very disappointed girl...:)
But, God is gracious (and forgiving), my husband is patient, and my earthly father is wise (brutally so...:/). Thanks to them, my eyes were opened to so many things. Reality (and for that matter LOVE) is what it is. It's not perfect, neat, and definitely doesn't fit into any pretty boxes I know of. Instead, it's messy, painful, and at times ugly. I didn't want to believe it...I couldn't...how could something that was supposed to be as perfect as I'd made up in my mind be so..well...not??
And yet (and I had to realize this with a lot of patience and grace...), that's the BEAUTY of it. It's not going to be dreamy, romanticized, or perfect...at least not our idea of perfect. But what is so amazing about God is that He designs us that way. The very fact that we'll never get it all right drives us to realize how badly we NEED Him. We have no other hope of joy, of life, of peace, or satisfaction without Him. The very fact that we are a jacked up people leads us to the One who is above it all. He alone is worthy...of love, hope, expectation, desire, delight...all of it.
Probably the other single most valuable lesson I have learned in all of this is that the journey...the path to this absolute satisfaction and delight in Him (and the joy that results in the other parts of my life because He is all), is a process. It takes time...it takes energy...it takes work. Not in the sense that we accomplish it all on our own...I'm no longer naive enough to believe in bless your heart philosophies like that one. Rather...God works in us...but it takes time and diligence for us to get out of His way, and to begin to work out the things He is working in.
And so...I am learning the joy of process. The joy that daily, I am learning what it means to place all my hope, all my expectation, all my desire, and all my love in the only One who will truly satisfy. I am learning what it means to die to myself, that I might rise to a life that is hidden in Him...that I might set my heart and mind on the things above, and in doing so find a burning satisfaction, a desire, a joy that consumes any girlhood fantasy I might want to create. I pray that you might know the same as well.
....live loved...
:)
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