...rooted and grounded in love...

I write alot about trusting in the Lord's sovereignty.  I wish I could say that's because it's something I've finally gotten figured out.  In reality, it's because it's something I struggle with daily...even more now.  It's so easy to get on here and write about how important it is to rest in the Lord and the fact that He is completely in control of life.  It's quite another when to say that when He completely shakes up life beyond what you ever thought you wanted...
But I'm not the only person who's been in that situation....I'm not the only person who's ever felt that way.  In fact, though I like to play the martyr, the things the Lord has brought about in my life are nothing compared to some of the things others have dealt with.  Look at Paul, who faced imprisonments, shipwrecks, and eventual death...never once did he doubt the Lord or His sovereignty.  Or Joseph, who was imprisoned by his own brothers, yet later forgave them, saying that "the Lord meant it for good."  The list could go on to more current stories of Corrie ten Boom, Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, and even Matt Chandler.
So where does the strength come from to respond in sch a way?  I think there are several things that help a person to rest so fully in the Lord:  absolute faith and trust, the discipline to choose joy, the realization that life is not about me...
Along with all of those, I think that it is absolutely critical to completely rest in the love of the Lord:  that He would allow us to know Him, to bring Him glory, to make much of Him, and to find our deepest joy and delight in Him.  One of my favorite passages I have been reading in Ephesians is found in 3:17-19, "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
Those words are so rich, and so true...Paul says that by being "rooted and grounded" in love of the Lord, we will be able to know that which surpasses all dimension, all possibility, all measure.  By completely establishing ourself in Him, we gain a glimpse of that which is beyond knowledge for most.  It is by knowing His love and resting in it--come what may--that we are able to be filled with all the fullness that He is.
Today, may you know the insurmountable love of the Lord, and may you be full beyond measure:  full enough to rest in Him without doubt...

...psalm 104...

Sometimes, we just don't learn things the first time...in fact, most of the time, we don't get things the first time :).  My kids and I have done countless lessons, only to have to turn around the next day and re-learn them again (and again, and again...). 

I can't get frustrated though...it's part of learning, in everything.  My list of lessons that I am learning, and having to review lately is long:  joy, delight in the Lord, embracing inadequacy, trusting process, faith, contentment...see what I mean?  One that I've had to review almost daily has been the sovereignty of the Lord.  He is above and over everything...it's His, for Him, to His glory (even my life, no matter how hard I try to hold onto it).

And yet there is such beauty in that.  Just read the words of Psalm 104 (I won't quote it, it's long).  The entire 35 verses are all about rejoicing in the Lord because He is over all creation.  Nothing happens without Him, nor is outside His design.  Things as small and minute as rays of light, things as huge as the sky and oceans and mountain ranges.  He gives purpose to everything and for everything:  His provision of food for all created things, the winds as His messenger, rocks as homes for badgers...His purpose is even seen in putting the whales to "play" in the seas.  Everything in all creation is because of Him, for Him, and works perfectly according to His plan.

When I read words like that, when I see their evidence even in the world around me, I can't help but rejoice at the sovereignty of my God.  Lord, let me trust my life to You...knowing that in Your hands is full purpose, provision, and joy.  (May it be a lesson that no longer needs review....)

A little Christmas *cheer*...

There truly is nothing like Christmas music.  I've been playing it every chance I get in my classroom...probably to the point that my kids are sick of it...:)  (Of course, they could be sick of it because I tell them that if they can't hear the music, they're too loud...and then I turn it down super low...evil, but it works!)  We've been singing carols at church, they're all over the radio...I even wake up singing them in the mornings...

I never can make up my mind which is my favorite.  Every year it changes.  Lately though (if I had to choose...), I would have to say that the one that most stirs my heart is "Hark, the Herald Angel Sings..."  It tells, in musical form, the beauty of the gospel, and the sheer joy with which the angels must have proclaimed the birth of Him who would bring the reconciliation of man to God and with His blood redeem us from the wrath we deserved.  The words are beautiful, and so powerful:

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

My favorite words, however, are in the third verse:  "Mild He lays His glory by/Born that man no more may die".  It's a part of the Gospel we don't think about nearly often enough:  what a humbling, gracious, beautiful thing!  Jesus, the very Son of God, set aside all the glory He knew in the heavenly realms, the radiance, the praise, the majesty and chose to come here; to be born as a baby (which is in a whole other realm from God of the Universe...), to grow up and live as a man, that He alone might put His righteousness upon us by serving as the only perfect sacrifice.  And not only that, He did it mildly, with absolute humility and grace! 

The thought of such humility, such grace, holiness, love, and perfect, majestic redemption overwhelms my heart.  His sacrifice is our only hope.  I pray that today, your heart and mind might be overwhelmed with these truths and that you might find absolute delight and satisfaction in the One who mildly laid "His glory by". 

A revelation...in Pizza Hut...

Not the place you normally expect to hear a revealing word from the Lord, right??  But then again, who am I to limit anything He does or is...He is a God who knows no bounds...no limits. 

Several of our friends from Panfork came to see us this weekend...we got to celebrate Bekah's birthday :) as well as each other.  Saturday night some of us went to a local basketball game.  One thing you have to love about small towns is that it keeps you from taking a really long time deciding where to eat:  our options were pretty much Pizza Hut or Dairy Queen (pizza won :), if you can imagine that...:).

As we were sitting waiting for our food, a priest came in to pick up an order.  I'm not sure everything that was said, but the manager of the store ended up giving him everything for free.

My tendency is to be so cynical.  Immediately my mind began thinking of so many things:  is something like that done just to be nice?  Or is there the hope that it maybe pays off good for you in the long run?  Would managers be as quick to give something like that away to a homeless person with no way of buying their next meal?  How often do people dress up like that just to pull a scam?  My last thought was about the priest himself:  did he even thank the Lord for something like that, or just brush it off as a really nice thing?  Was he thankful that God had just provided his next meal...completely for free?

And then it hit me...not only had the Lord provided for that priest's meal, He had provided for mine as well.  No, it wasn't given for free, but the money to pay for it...there's no doubt it came from Him.  The jobs Kade and I have that He uses to provide us money...those are from Him.  The fact that we have hands and arms that get the pizza to our mouths, and senses to taste and enjoy it...that's not my doing, or anyone else's.  It's from God.

Yet how often do I truly thank Him...even for pizza?  Oh Lord...don't let me lose sight of the fact that all I have is from You...and is such an evidence of Your grace.  Teach me what it means to acknowledge that in everything...even pizza.

Prepared beforehand...

How much of my life do I waste on tomorrow?  Everything about our mindset has us trained to live and to strive for what is to come....we let ourselves dwell on the future:  hopes, dreams, questions, aspirations...I spend so much time yearning for tomorrow and what is to come that I lose the joy and the beauty of where I am right now.

Think about it:  so much of life is geared toward this.  Just make it to the weekend, to Christmas break, to payday, to the time when I've finally paid off my debt, to that job promotion I've been waiting on, to my house looking the way I want, to the jeans size I thought I would never get to...I am constantly living in a place in time that has not yet arrived.  So then, why do I give up so much working for it, desiring it, waiting for it...?

I'm not saying it's wrong to have a mindset that wisely looks ahead: stocking up on groceries, making sure there is some money in case of an emergency, working towards a new home...but what is wrong--sinful even--is to be consumed with that time, rather than enjoying a sense of peace and contentment.

If I truly believe that my God is sovreign, holy, and perfect, I have to believe that where He has me at right now is also perfect and good.  Every moment is indeed His perfect work in us, teaching us, molding us, shaping us, transforming us to be more of an image-bearer of His glory.  Paul says that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:4).  The beauty of where I am at right now is that it is perfectly designed, molded by my Creator, with a sovreign purpose.  Because of that, no dream of tomorrow--no matter how good--could be better.

Lord, let me see the beauty of Your work in me, right where I am...today.  Don't let me be deceived into thinking that I must always be pressing toward the next thing.  Teach me joy and contentment with what You have for me in this moment, and may it serve to transform me into a greater image of Your glory.  Thank you, Father, for Your perfect work in today.

My time in prison...

The majority of my time this weekend was spent in prison...

Together with about 65 other people, I trekked into the Clement's prison unit in Amarillo.  Our goal there was to bless with the love of Christ and to pass out a small gift:  a paper sack filled with an apple, an orange, a bar of soap, a bottle of shampoo, and a handful of peppermints.  How would you like to receive that for Christmas?  Believe me...it was worth gold...

You can't do something like that and not expect to be affected in some way.  I was...in every way.

Prison is nothing like what you see on the movies...it's grey, drab, and dreary.  It smells, the food is horrendous, you have nothing to do, and there's absolutely no privacy (unless you're in one of the super high security areas, and believe me, you don't want to be there...)  Even worse, you are slammed in the face every single second with the fact that you are bad, evil...no more than an "offender," less than a human being.  It's humiliating, degrading...and you can't escape it.  I cannot tell you how many men I watched try to wipe off their hand before they would shake mine...as if they had some vile disease of humanity that wasn't worthy of touch...I'm not saying that wrongs shouldn't be punished...and I know that some men there were guilty of some horrific wrongs...but beyond that, I was reminded of the fact that God never does that with me.  His grace and His love cover my sins with the weight of His glory...His sacrifice redeems me, and sanctifies me.  He promises to transform me...renew me...to make an image-bearer of His glory.  Oh God, thank you for Your grace!

Beyond that, my eyes were opened, and my heart humbled, so incredibly much.  As briefly as possible, I would love to share...

The humility of these men was astounding.  Never once did I hear any of the ones that I spent time with complain or gripe.  They held no bitterness about their situation or the bad treatment some of them got.  They humbly accepted it as their punishment, and bore it with grace.  God forgive me...how quick am I to gripe and complain the instant something doesn't go my way...expecting that I actually deserve that??

Beyond their humility, I was so blessed and challenged by the way they chose to completely GLORY in the Lord and fully rest in His sovreignty.  Over and over, they praised Him as good, as great, faithful and true.  So many of them had no doubt that He was in control (even when they were rejected for parole ten times...) and they loved Him regardless of their circumstances--simply because of who He is!

Oh Lord, what a challenge to me!  Teach me what it means to live with the same fervor and passion, to deeply rest in You as aboslutely sovreign, and to praise You in all things...

God, you are good...be with my brothers tonight.  May they know Your grace, peace, and love, even as they live in a place that is anything but...

But God...

I don't know that I have ever heard the gospel more clearly than in those two words.  They're everything:  purpose, hope, love, life...everything. 

I was reading this morning in Ephesians 2.  I had just finished chapter 1, which is full of hope in Christ, the promise of inheritance, and the beauty of redemption.  And then, in the very next chapter, the light and glory were gone (or, they seemed to be).  The first three verses tell me exactly what I am, and the picture is not very pretty.  I am guilty of sin, following after my own desires and wants, disobedient...it even goes so far to say that I was "dead" in my ways, that I was worthy of the very wrath of God...

Not exactly a feel good message is it?  It's not the kind of thing I like to hear, or even more, the kind of think I like to admit.  But I cannot deny it.  Try as I might, there is not good naturally within me.  I would be lying if I tried to believe there was.  Paul says that by my very nature, I deserve God's wrath, His anger, and I have no hope against it on my own, no matter what I do. 

And then, I kept reading...

The very next two words are everything...they bring joy and triumph, grace and hope.  In the midst of my hopelessness, my sin, and the deadness of my life, comes intervention..."But GOD...".  All of a sudden, the depth and darkness of all I am is covered with the light of His glory.  Divine intervention.  What I could not do, my God, my Savior, who is "rich in mercy" and who has a "great love, with which He loved us," makes a way.  The verses go on to say that HE, "even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us ALIVE together with Christ..." 

All of a sudden, hopelessness becomes hope...death becomes life...and the love of my Savior transforms me, a sinner who had chosen my own way, into an image bearer of His glory, as One who has a purpose, to make Him known, to delight in Him.

May the eyes of our heart be enlightened to know the hope to which He has called us...

...grace and peace...

...sovreign...

I never realized how much I like to be in control...until I came to the place where I was forced to surrender that "control" to the Lord.  I like feeling as if I have power over tomorrow...as if I have an effect on what is going to happen to me.  If you think about it, it doesn't really make sense to be that way, does it?

If my life is truly centered upon my God, if He alone is my delight, my hope, my expectancy, then to fight for control over my life, to fight to make much of myself rather than following the will of my Father, would be an absolute slap in the face of everything I believe.  If I cling to the words of Ephesians, that the Lord has chosen me "before the foundation of the world" (Ephesians 1:4) for a purpose, and that He alone "works all things according to the counsel of His will," (Eph. 1:11), then I must believe that His control over my life will lead to His glory, and my good.

Perfect words...words of truth and grace...words that spark hope and life.  Yet, they are not always the easiest to follow...:)  My prayer is that I will find myself resting so completely in the Lord's sovreignty that I am fully surrendered to His will and His ways--which is, without a doubt, the best place to be.

The Art of Thankfulness...

I'm trying to teach my first graders what Thanksgiving's all about...they get that it has the word "thanks" in it, and so they can somewhat understand that it has to do with being thankful...but part of me wonders if they really understand it beyond saying a quick thank you right before they grab their tray in the cafeteria, or right after I share some of my caramel popcorn with them (that usually gets a lot of thank yous...and one or, "You're the best teacher ever, Mrs. Wilcox!).  But then, do I really even understand what it means to truly be thankful?
I was reading yesterday in Psalm 108, and found myself richly challenged by the words there.  David says, "My heart is steadfast, oh God!  I will sing and make melody with all my being!"   He said his heart is steadfast...pretty bold talk if you think about all that steadfast means.  He's saying, "my heart is immovable, sure, solid, holding, not shaken, confident..."  Can I say those words about me?  Is my heart truly steadfast?  Can I say that I am solid, confident, unshaken, bold?  More often than not, I find myself up and down, completely parallel with my circumstance at any given moment.  I let myself be so easily affected by what is happening, what I feel...far from being steadfast...
Why could David so boldly proclaim such words?  Because they were true.  He had no doubt his heart was steadfast, because he had completely put his confidence in the Lord.  As you keep reading his words, he makes it very clear where his hope and expectation lie:  not in his own power or might, not in his people or his army, but in his GOD:  "With God we shall do valiantly; it is HE who will tread down our foes." (108:13).  David had chosen to rest in, delight in, and rejoice in who the Lord is and what He has done....rather than being affected by his circumstances.  He truly had "set his mind on the things above" (Colossians 3:1), and in doing so, had found a source of hope and praise that would never fail...
Oh Lord, teach me what it means to be humbly, deeply, abundantly thankful to You.  Don't let my praise to You be based upon how well things are going in a given moment...rather, let me cling to You and Your glory as life, as passion, and as delight...teach me what it means to rejoice always in You.

Even when I don't understand...

Oh Lord...Your Word is so incredibly powerful.  It says, "Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who delight in them.  Full of splendor and majesty is His work, and His righteousness endures forever"  (Psalm 111:2, 3).  Period.  There is no specification, no rules...it doesn't say "Great are Your works that bless me"...or, "great are the works that are good for me"...no, all Your works fall under this category of greatness...even those that I do not understand, like, or want to deal with; truly, "GREAT are the works of the Lord."
It goes on to say that these works are "studied by all who delight in them..."  Studied...I haven't thought much about that since graduating...what does it mean that I study Your works??  I set my heart adn mind upon them, I look at them over and over, I think about them, meditate upon them...Oh Lord, can I honestly say that I do this...that all Your works are my delight, that I consider them, think deeply upon them?  Teach me what it means to have my heart and mind so fully consumed with You.
And teach me what it means to find my delight in Your works...even those that I don't understand, those I don't like.  To be delighted is a choice  It is not something that just happens, but instead is deeply intentional.  The person in these verses chooses to make You and Your works their delight, even when it is not easy.  Oh God, grant me such passion and intensity for You and Your ways!  There is no doubt You are worthy of it. 
Father, there are times when I don't like what You do.  I don't think things that happen are fair or right.  Yet, You have called me, not to be sovreign judge (for that is a role only You can fill), but to find my delight solely in You.  Teach me what it means, in every single situation, to cling to the fact that You are supreme, You are holy, You are righteous, and You are good...let my heart rejoice and find praise in all Your ways, and may that very act bring You the glory and awe due Your name.  Oh God, may You be deeply, earnestly praised...

To live loved...

So...yesterday did not have the best start for me. First thing in the morning, I found myself in a situation where someone was not happy with me. Details aren’t important or necessary, but suffice it to say I found myself with my head on my desk crying during my 9:00 conference., and for the rest of the day continued to doubt my abilities as a teacher.

The point of the story, however, is not to earn extra sympathy for Mrs. Wilcox, or to make it seem like someone had done wrong to me, or anything like that. In fact, none of those are even close to truth or purpose. Rather, the point of it all hit me just this morning. I pray that in sharing my own lesson learned, I might be able to provide some encouragement and direction for someone else.

I was driving to school this morning, thinking about a lot of things at once: plans for the day, everything that happened yesterday (praying it wouldn’t happen again), the lesson I get to share with some awesome college girls this weekend, when the Lord broke in with a word for my heart and mind.

Do I truly believe the words of Colossians 1:15-18…that He alone is FULLNESS, He alone is above all, He alone is preeminence? If I do, then my perspective must change. I mist take myself outside of every situation, and instead of looking at the way it effects me, look at how He is in control of it, and how it can bring Him glory and praise.

That, in every single way, is what it means to live loved…to live in the purpose for which He has created us. Everything must point back to Him. Everything must be for Him…for His glory, and His praise. All of a sudden, situations with unhappy people aren’t about me…all of a sudden I don’t have to lay my head on my desk in tears, cry to my husband, or ask my Mom and Dad for long distance hugs. Instead, I can rest in the fact that He is in complete sovereignty over all, HE has control over everything, and I can focus upon how I can respond to the situation to most bring Him glory and praise.

I pray today that you might see every situation as a new opportunity...an opportunity to make Him your Treasure above all else, to find Him in everything, to adore Him, to love Him...to live to the praise of the glory of who He is...I pray today, you might truly live loved.

I took a walk today...

I took a walk today...partly to escape the load of laundry waiting for me, and partly to just escape.  All around home there are roads and paths that can lead you anywhere and nowhere all at the same time.  It didn't take long to just get caught up in walking...in seeing, enjoying, breathing it in.  The air smelled like fall, cool and crisp, with the promise of red leaves, candy apples, and evenings in front of fire places.  With every step, I found my heart growing more and more full with the beauty that surrounded me. 
Beauty.  It's there, alive with every step, every glance...staring you right in the face.  For me today, it was in fall trees; glassy ponds like a mirror, reflecting glory back upon glory; deer moving with sheer grace, thoughts of my husband, family, and friends...oh without a doubt...there is beauty all before us, around us.  It surrounds and overwhelms us...pointing our eyes to the One who is capable of creating it all, designing it all, allowing our eyes to take it all in...
I pray today you might find yourself aware of the glory before you...and as you behold it, may you find yourself even more aware of the One who is glory and glorious above it all.

I took a walk today, amongst the leaves and trees of fall...
strolled down wayward paths,
my eyes rejoicing at all I saw.

I took a walk today, no purpose at all in mind
yet in my drifting,
purpose I did find.

Beauty so full and so bright,
overwhelming, overflowing, spilling out
blessing the world with its light.

Beauty so perfect, so real, beyond the capabilities of man...
beauty that could only from a Source
with a greater purpose and plan.

Teach me, Oh Lord, to find You all around...
teach me to lift my eyes up to Your heights,
beyond the things of the world that surround.

Let our hearts be full of who You are...
made know to us more and more
byt the depths of beauty in our hearts.

Blessings...:)

Birthdays...:)

It's official...I'm now 25...:/  I'm not gonna lie...there's part of me that is not really looking forward to being a quarter of a century old...there's part of me that looks back on the past 25 years and wonders, "what on earth have I really done with myself?"...there's part of me that is excited about the possibility of a new 25, the chance to take the few lessons I've learned, learn even more, and use them to find an increasing greater depth to life, a depth that is far beyond me.
Mostly though, I am overwhelmed.  I'm overwhelmed and completely humbled.  Think about what happens on a birthday:  people, whether they be family, friends, or random aquaintences (which happens more and mroe thanks to facebook :), pause--even if for just a few seconds--and take the time to tell you Happy Birthday...to come to your house for a birthday dinner, to think of you, to get you a present, to make you cake or ice cream (or if you're really lucky, both).  It's incredibly humbling.
The truth is, I deserve none of that...not even close.  I can't earn it, I can't be good enough for it...it's not something you even can earn.  The point is that it's given so freely...so perfectly...yes it comes from family, from friends, from those around us...but that's not the real source...
These gifts of grace, these moments that just overwhelm you, that make you feel so fully you don't know if you could take any more in...they're the Lord.  It's our Father.  He doesn't give them to us for any other reason than He wants us to know His goodness.  He wants us to recognize that He is the Source of all things, and He grants them to us in order that we might fully delight ourselves in Him.
Oh, Lord...it is with such a humble heart that I praise You, that I thank You.  You alone are the Source of everything, and all things are for You, and to You.  Open up my eyes that I might allow every single thing to cause my heart to realize You more...to burn more for You.  I am overwhelmed at Your goodness, at Your grace, at Your love...and it is with sheer DELIGHT in You that my heart rejoices with Your praise.  To YOU be honor, glory, and adoration forever...

para mi amor :)

So...my husband has officially been gone for a grand total of 41 hours, and I've already realized how much of a wimp I am...and how hard it is to sleep by yourself at night...:)  To help, I'm making a list of top ten reasons why I'm so thankful for him and for marriage...and hoping to maybe surprise him with some of them...(I would do more, but I'm getting sleepy...)
1.  He's actually proud of the fact that I'm such a nerd...:) 
You should hear him brag to people that I actually like to write, spell words...he brags about it...
2.  Life with him is always an adventure...
No matter where we're going or what we're doing (even if it's going to my parents house spur of the moment)...being with him is always exciting.
3.  He likes coffee...almost as much as I do.
I always wanted to wake up and drink coffee with someone, or share a cup together in the evening...now I get to...:)
4.  He laughs at me...
And laughs just as easily at himself...if you put us both together, he ends up laughing alot.
5.  He likes sunsets...
No explanation needed, right?
6.  He makes me feel beautiful, every day...
7.  He has really blue eyes...
I know...so lame...but so true...
8.  He's a man of vision...
I love getting to partner my life with someone constantly striving to serve the Lord.
9.  He makes me want to be more...in every way...in the best way....
10.  He gives the best hugs...
There's nothing like coming home and getting so wrapped up you can't breathe...best feeling in the world...:)

The Grace of Preeminence

"...He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything, He might be preeminent." ~(Col. 1:18)
I had to ask Kade what that word even meant as I was reading.  I still don't know how to spell it.  It's huge and complex, and has way too many e's.  Basically, it means more...more than anything...above all...superior.  In this verse, in this context, this is talking all about Christ. 
Have you ever truly thought about the worthiness of Christ??  Of the holiness, the righteousness, the perfection of our God?  I don't...not like I should.  I mean, I know He's worthy, I know He's perfect, I know He's good...but do I let it grip my life?  Do I let it change everything in me so that He alone is my greatest treasure, my sustenance, my hope, my expectation?
This verse is smack dab in the middle of a whole bunch that all point to this very thing.  Without a doubt, Paul makes his message clear:  our God is the most holy, righteous being in the world.  He is above all, in all, and through all.  Every single thing was created by Him, and for Him.  He is what holds all things together...what keeps all things, what sustains them.  Think of what this means for our lives.  Every single thing, whether we think of it good or bad...is for Him:  marriage, money, family, nature, sickness, laughter...all of it is for Him.  Do I believe that?  Do I hold onto that?  Or do I let myself get caught up in those things, letting them consume my time and attention...rather than allowing them to point me to the One they are for??
And then, verse 18.  It says that HE (Christ), is the Head.  He's the beginning...He's first, eternal, lasting...He always has been, He always will be.  Even more, He was the first to die and be raised to life...the firstborn from the dead.  And why did He die??  Why was He raised back to life again?  Was it just so that He could save us?  Just so that He could be a holy sacrifice, worthy of taking away the sin of the world...not even close.  The answer is right there..."He is the firstborn from the dead, that in everything, He might be preeminent." 
Wow...talk about an upset to our mentality.  Yes...He came so that we could have eternal life with Him.  Yes, He came because we have no other hope than His death on the Cross and His Spirit working in our hearts to know Him.  The verses that follow talk about how He made peace within us when we knew no peace.  But more than that, He came to be more.  He came to be preeminent.  He came and He died so that we would have no doubt He is the most worthy thing in the world...He is above all, holy, righteous, perfect.  He came so that I would realize that, down in my depths, and I would choose Him above all else.  (I'm not saying that His death didn't also provide the sacrifice that we needed to keep us from Hell, I'm just saying that it's not the first reason He came...)
It almost doesn't sound very loving, does it?  There's something inside of us that almost doesn't like the picture of God coming and dying, so that He could be the most important thing in our life...so that He could consume us, so that He could burn within us.  But think about it...He has to be that way...we need it.  If we are going to believe that God is who He says...that His holiness and His glory are like all-consuming fire, that He's more than enough to choose, to rest in as our Rock, to stake our lives upon...then He has to come to be preeminent.  If He comes and does not first protect His glory, His name, He is no longer worthy of trusting in, of hoping in, of making our Treasure.  But the good news, the news worth rejoicing in, of worshiping for...is that He did come...He came to be preeminent...superior...most in our lives...and in doing so, He gave us something worthy of believing in, hoping in, and choosing above all else.
There's so much there...so much I'll never know...never understand...but more than anything else, I want to recognize the fact that my Lord truly is above all, and I want to let that truth change my life...may you do so as well...
in Him...

...grace upon grace...

It's amazing what you find when you keep reading...when you take your eyes off yourself long enough to think on, to understand, to wonder about the greatness of the Lord. 
It's His very grace that allows life:  breath, laughter, taco soup, and fall days.  It's His love that gives us sunsets, rain, groceries, and family.  And it's His holiness that allows us to understand and strive for honesty, love, relationship, and worship.  That's what He showed me as I began to read His word in Colossians.  And my heart was full as I realized that I would know none of that without Him.
But then I read on.  Paul continues to encourage the believers at Colossae, praying that they might more fully know and understand the heart and mind of the Lord.  Listen to his words as he shouts out the worthiness of God, the reason that He is so deserving of a life lived to delight Him...because HE "has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.  HE has delivered us from darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."  Do we even realize the depth of what that means??  The inheritance of the saints of light...that's Heaven...that's eternal life...that's something to be sure of, to hope in, to rest in...but it's also life with Him, right here, right now...life abundant. 
We don't deserve that...it's not a question of deserving that...we never could, we never will.  We're not supposed to deserve it...but it's not about us.  It's about Him.  HE is the one who qualifies us, who brings us life, who gives us hope.  He is the one who is worthy of following, of choosing...He gives us this gift, the gift of Himself and life with Him, because He chooses to...because He wants us to know Him, to be amazed at Him, to delight in Him.  He wants us to be a part of His kingdom.  He wants us to choose Him over everything else...simply for the reason that He gets so much pleasure when we get joy from Him.  So often we battle this pressure of feeling like we have to be "enough."  Rejoice in the truth that you will never be enough...but He is.  He is the One who qualifies us...who brings us out of the junk of our lives...pain, frustration, mistakes, sin, disappointment...all of it.  It is His grace that takes us out of that mess, and puts us into His kingdom, His purpose.  He becomes light, guidance, direction.
Wow...that's alot.  Sometimes you read something like that, and then you wonder what it means...what in the world you're supposed to do with it...
Rejoice in it...Live in it.  Let it make you realize how good He is, how worthy.  When we know Him, choose Him, when we desire Him and recognize Him as life, when we treasure Him above everything else, that is how we live in the grace upon grace upon grace that He pours out to us.  Don't let His grace be for no reason...take it as the gift that it is.  Choose Him, and in choosing Him, find abundant, never-ending grace.
May you realize that grace today, and may realizing it point you to the One who is so worthy of your heart, your soul, your mind...

grace

Grace.  It's a powerful word...a word that's deep, and full, and good, and so beautiful.  And I never realized how little I understood it until now.  I was reading a few days ago in Colossians, chapter 1.  Paul is telling the church at Colossae how he prays for them:  he starts every prayer with gratitude to the Lord for the faith and love they have shown because of the hope they have known in Christ...the kind of hope that is lasting, real, and comes from knowing that they have a security in a holy, might, worthy God...from knowing the truth of the gospel.  He rejoices, because they have "understood the grace of God in truth" (vs 6). 

All of that is good...there's so much there to chew on, to think about, to apply.  But it's that last part that got me...what does it mean to understand the GRACE of the Lord?  When I was little, Sunday school lessons taught me that grace is getting what I don't deserve.  It's a pretty definition, all neat in a box, and it is true...but what does that mean??  What does it mean that I get what I don't deserve?  What does it mean to really wrap your mind around grace from God Himself? 

I still don't understand it all...in fact, I would love to hear someone way wiser than I am explain it.  The prayer of my heart as I read this and tried to figure it all out was this:  "Teach me what Your grace is.  Show it to me...let me know it, let me understand it..."  I think He's still answering, but the things He showed me in response were beautiful:

That same morning, I went in to kiss my husband good-bye (not all of us have to leave the house at 6:45 ;).  As he held onto me, kissed me, told me how much he loved me...tears came to my eyes:  grace...that is grace.  To know and experience such love...love that I just don't deserve...that's grace.  My love lesson from the Lord continued:  a 40 mile ride to school in safety, my own masterpiece of color and light along the way, precious children that love me (even when I pull their tags...), the ability to work, to laugh, to love, to praise...that is grace.  He gives it so freely, so willingly...not because I deserve it, but because He is good, holy, and faithful.  Allowing me to experience His grace allows me to rejoice in who He is.

There's so much more there...the grace of His Son, the gift of the Cross, love so deep and wide it embraces all of me.  It's overwhelming.  Look for it today...rejoice in it...think about it...be thankful for it.  Don't miss it...it's there....and in finding it, in realizing it, let Him show you the depth of who He is.

...in grace...

...abundance...

So...this weekend, I got to see one of my very best friends as she walked down the aisle.  She truly was radiance in motion, and everything was so perfect, from all the little wedding details like home-made chocolate covered pretzels ;) to an evening spent laughing with all my other best friends (and good food at Cracker Barrel doesn't hurt ;).

It's funny how things like weddings always manage to make you think.  There's just something about all the intensity of the moment, all the wonder of it, and all the chaos (because weddings TRULY are their own type of chaos...haha, or at least mine was!) that suddenly sets the mind to thinking about life and love, and everything in between.

As I was standing at the beginning of the aisle, watching with joy as the beauty of the night began to reach down before us all, the song playing turned to "How Deep the Father's Love for Us..."  I sound like a Hallmark card, but in that moment, I truly was overwhelmed with the love of my Father.  Honestly, do we ever think about His love enough:  How deep the Father's love for us...How vast beyond all measure...that He would give His only Son, to make a wretch (that's you...that's ME) His treasure.  I mean, His love is so good, so perfect, so senseless...WHY would He ever love us...let alone, love us so deeply?  Why does He grant us such blessings:  knowing that the very God of this Universe has loved me...has given Himself for me; laughing with my friends and their husbands and rejoicing in the women of God they have become; sleeping next to my husband and knowing that in the morning, I get to wake up and LIVE LIFE with him; being reminded daily that life is a process, and that there are no shortcuts on the journey; going for a run in the wilderness, being romanced by a big Texas sky; texting my sister all day, feeling so connected to her even two hours away; watching my students grow and change (and getting to hear them ask me if we are going to EXPERIENCE apples tomorrow)...God, I don't deserve any of it...at all!!

And yet, that's just the point.  Deserving it is not even a question, doesn't even cross my Lord's mind.  I don't...it shouldn't be mine...it should NEVER be mine...The point is not deserving it.  Rather, the point is that He grants it...because of who HE is.  The point is that He gives them, because He can...because He chooses to...because He's God.  And we, mere human beings who succeed most often and getting it wrong, get to enter into such grace, such love, such mercy in complete freedom...because He has first loved us.

I dare you today...don't just count your blessings...don't just name them one by one.  Shout them out...let them bring your face to praise...to adoration to the only Source of them all...don't just point them out and then turn to the next thing to get done.  Instead, let yourself burn with the joy of them...rejoice OUT LOUD that we can't deserve such perfect love, and let your love flow for the only One who can give it.

May this day be one in which you find yourself completely overwhelmed in His love, in who He is, and in the complete abundance of all He has given.

with joy~

It's a Choice...

Growing up, I never would have thought I was a stubborn child. Jessie, definitely, but me??? No way...My parents (and my sister ;) would probably say otherwise. Looking back, I might have to admit that I had some stubborn moments. I can't tell you how many times I remember my Mom and Dad (who have suddenly become so wise the past few years...) telling me, "someday, you're going to realize I'm right..." I always rolled my eyes and kinda laughed to myself. Of course now, I realize that they actually did know what they were talking about, and even had some really good points...:D
One of the things that has come back to haunt me on an almost daily basis lately has been something that my Daddy said to me over and over again. Sometimes, it was at the shop, while he pounded away on a saddle and I pretended to help him. Other times, it was at the breakfast table, talking about the things we all had going on. And sometimes it was at night, when he would quietly come in my room, listen to everything that had gone on, and quietly remind me of his love without even saying a word. I can hear his voice now: "It's a choice, Lace. Life's a choice. Choose joy."
Not really the kind of wise words you want to hear when you want answers to all your problems. Not the kind of words you want when all you want is to know how to make things easier. Not really the answer we look for even now as face our daily battles. And yet, Daddy always knows best...always...:)
When I was younger, I had no idea what it meant. "Choose joy????" OF COURSE I choose joy?? Who doesn't want that?? Naively, I thought my mere desire for joy qualified me to have it...wrong again :). I'm beginning to see now what he meant. Every single moment brings with it a choice: the choice to get frustrated, the choice to over-react, the choice to be selfish and make it about me, the choice to take my eyes off of my Father, the choice to get angry and lash out, the choice to hold onto a grudge rather than running to forgiveness. We'd be ignorant to deny that every single moment brings with it a battle, a decision. I can choose myself, my own desires, my own ways, and run after that path. I can make every thing about me, and then throw a fit when the rest of the world doesn't chime in. I can choose to walk in misery, hanging my head and sticking out my lip because I didn't what I wanted. It's the easier choice, the one that feels better in the moment. I mean, let's be honest...who doesn't want to have things go their way???
Or...I can choose the way that is life. In Deuteronomy 30:11-16, Moses gives Israel his farewell address. He's done, his time is over...he's leaving them his last words. You might think that when someone is saying good-bye, they'd mention how much they loved a group, how much they will miss them. Not Moses. He spends entire chapters counselling Israel one last time. He tells them what will happen if they follow the Lord (what God Himself has promised them), and what will happen if they run after other idols. And then he says these words, "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees, and laws; THEN you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." (vs. 15, 16). It's like he's giving them a multiple choice quiz, and then telling them the answer. Choose LIFE, he says. Choose the way of our God. Not just because of the blessing, but because His way is life! He's the only one who is worthy of choosing, the only one who is worthy of following, the only one worth staking your lives upon! Choose Him, and in doing so you choose what is BEST.
It sounds so simple, doesn't it?? Choose life. Follow Christ. Easy, I can do that. Yet, we fail to realize how much ourselves get in the way.
I don't know how often in the past few weeks I've had to remind myself to choose the way that leads to joy, to life. It isn't something that just happens naturally inside us, though we wish it would. It's intentional, on purpose. It requires diligence, commitment, desire. With every moment, with every choice, be reminded that choosing CHRIST is the choice that leads to life.
And if you happen to hear Jeff Anderberg's voice ringing in your ears saying, "It's a choice...it's a choice...choose JOY," count yourself extremely blessed.
Choose joy...:)

The Application

Does anybody remember that song “Ironic?” I used to pretend I knew all the words (and that I could sing) as were driving on the bus to junior high basketball games. Anyhow, I have a new lyric for it: Isn’t it ironic when you write this ridiculously long blog on the importance of perspective, attitude, and keeping your center on Christ, only to shut your computer down, and immediately struggle with that very thing..and lose?? I won’t go into all of the details, in part because they don’t involve just me, and in part because they would quickly show how selfish and shallow I am.
Anyway, suffice it to say that I wrote out the things on my heart a few nights ago, thought that I had maybe been able to provide some words of encouragement, and even felt like I was ready to tackle whatever mud and mire Satan could throw at me. I’m just thankful I can’t hear him laugh out loud…
Why do we do that? Why is it we can think such good thoughts about something, be so ready to do it, to fight for it, to make it happen…only to find ourselves struggling with it a few seconds later? In just a few days since writing about the junk Satan tries to drag us through, I have found myself in that same junk more than I care to admit. Lord, it is with pained hearts we come to You and confess that loving Your Word and Your ways, desiring You, wanting You more than life is so hard. We want it, we know we should want it, and yet everything within us fights against it. God forgive us. You alone are worthy, Lord. Let us fight to believe it, Father. Let us fight to live it, to breathe it, to consume it as sustenance…God You are so much more than anything else. Nothing compares, so incline our heart to Your word and Your ways, open our hearts and our eyes that we may realize what You desire of us, unite our hearts so that every thought, every breath, everything is of the single-mind of knowing, loving, and obeying You, satisfy us with only You so that we will not be pulled down into the pits Satan lays for us. Do all these things in us that Your name may be made know, that You may be praised. Oh Lord, You’re worthy

So…again I have to ask….why the struggle?? Why did I think I had it all figured out, only to find that it was way harder than I realized? I think part of that is because….that’s life. In the words of Coby Colley, we’re a jacked up people. Our hearts don’t naturally want to do those things that we know are life (even Paul dealt with that battle!). And so we don’t want to choose to love Christ more than anything, to put Him in our eyes above all else. And yet, that is the beauty of choice. It’s intentional. It’s action. It’s a decision I make and have to carry out. It’s not something that is forced upon me….I must recognize that my beloved Jesus is worth more than my very life and choose to hang everything I am upon Him. I think that’s why the Lord cries out through Samuel: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams” (1 Samuel 15:22), choosing Him means we recognize His glory, His worth, and we desire it above all else.
The other beautiful thing about choice (or maybe I should say, the difficult thing about choice) is that it is a daily battle. Every morning, I must renew my love for my Father…every morning I must renew my discipline and my diligence for Him, every morning I must awake and remind myself that my hope and expectation are in Him, because there is no other place to lay them…there is nothing else I want other than to love Him, know Him, and follow Him. Part of the reason I think we struggle with carrying things out is that a lot of times we fail to think about application. I’m a first grade teacher, and let’s face it…first graders are smart, but there’s still a lot they don’t know. One of the things I try to do with my kids is to help them visualize things…especially when I’m trying to help them learn a certain behavior or procedure. Over and over we talk about what it should look like to walk in a straight line in the hall, what it sounds like to talk quietly in the cafeteria, how it feels to do our job at the Gathering area, what it means to do your job on your worksheet. Over and over, we drill application. That way, when it comes time to execute what I’m teaching them, they have a picture in their mind to follow.
We have to do the same thing as believers. We must think about the application of our faith. We have to realize that choosing Christ is going to be a daily choice…a daily battle. So, I’m going to pretend that I’m in first grade again. What is it going to like today for me to follow Christ…to hold onto Him as my Treasure and not let go? What needs to happen for me to do that? Lots of things: I need to be diligent to spend time with Him, to be in His Word, to talk with Him, to meditate upon His ways and what He has shown me and apply it to my life. In Psalm 119:121, David says, “I have done what is just and right…” how could he say that with such confidence? Every single day, he gorged himself on the word of the Lord, he thought about it, chewed on it, devoured it until it burned in his heart and mind. And then, he followed it. Another thing I have to do is slow my life down. I find myself so stinkin’ quick to react, to respond. Far too often, I do so, and then cause pain, to others and myself. Instead, Lord, help me to stop, to think about how I should act according to Your ways. Doing so allows me to pursue You as my Treasure and my life. I also need to remember that this truly is a process, that I need to allow the Lord to continue His work in me, day in and day out. Doing so will help me remember to take it one day at a time, moment by moment, battle by battle.
I don’t know if that helps or not. My prayer is that each day will lead me (and you, my dear fellow traveler), into a closer walk with my Lord, that every single part of the process will be seen as my journey towards Him, my Treasure and my life.
Be blessed…

Escaping Despondency

A couple of summers ago, I read Pilgrim's Progress...the entire thing...no cliff notes or anything. I'm not gonna lie. It took alot of days laying out at the pool to get it all read (real suffering right?? :). Anyway, it really is something I'm proud of...it's not something people do everyday (at least not me...) I wish, however, that I could say I remember more of it than I do...but after about the 200th page of 8 point print, things start to run together.
There are some parts that will stick out to me forever, though. The whole book is amazing. Reader's Digest version, a man named Christian realizes destruction is about to come to his city (come to find out, they're all a bunch of major sinners...huh, sound familiar :)??). The rest of the book is about his journey to escape the destruction, and enter into eternal life (I know that I just messed that up really bad...but that's not my point).
Here's the part that has stuck with me. Along the way, one of the obstacles Christian has to go through is called the Slough of Despond. It's a nasty place...the only way to be done with it is to go through it, and yet going through it is nearly impossible. The nasty, disgusting stuff doesn't let go...it just drags Christian down farther and farther.
It hit me today that our mindsets are like that. Do you ever have a day that just feels like a Slough of Despond?? Like, no matter what you do, you just can't get above the discouragement, the lack of joy and life, the blah-ness? The kind of day where you look in the mirror at the end of it and wonder, what the heck did I even come close to accomplishing? Today was kinda one of those days for me. I never do well when I feel like I'm behind in my job, or even worse, when I don't feel like I'm doing my job well. I allow myself to get overwhelmed and stressed out far too easily, and besides that, who isn't at least a little tired by the time Thursday rolls around? (Please don't tell me I'm the only one...:/) Sometimes, life just seems to grab hold and drag you down...and not let go.
And yet, the crazy thing is, it doesn't have to be that way. I've been reading in Psalm 119 lately (it's so stinkin' long I can't read it in a day if I try...), and I'm amazed at the attitude of the Psalmist. Several times, he talks about the persecution he's facing...people are after his very life (umm...all of a sudden my day looks a little better...). Over and over, he pleads for God to show mercy, to spare him, to deliver him. But, what sticks out to me most is the way that he clings to the Word and the ways of the Lord: "May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause; but I will meditate upon Your precepts (vs. 78)." "My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, 'When will you comfort me?' Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke (basically, I'm dried up, with almost nothing left...again, my day looks brighter), I do not forget Your decress (vs 82-83)." "If Your law had not been my DELIGHT, I would have perished in my affliction (vs. 92)." I don't think I'm doing God's Word any injustice when I say that there is no doubt David placed his entire being, all of his hope, purpose, and expectancy in the Lord and what He has said. Psalm 62:5 says, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Without a doubt, this is the heart of David.
Anyway, that's a whole lot of rambling. But, what I'm trying to get at is that it didn't matter what David's circumstances were...it didn't matter who was after his life, who wanted the throne, or what problem had arisen in the kingdom (or his life). His life, his heart, his soul, were centered upon a Rock, a solid place. As I've read through Psalm 119, listened to people with way more wisdom than I'll ever know, and gone through my own experiences, I'm learning (and learning is the key word...it's all about process right?? :) that days stuck in the Slough of Despond don't have to happen. That doesn't mean there won't be times when it's tempting to go down there, and even more tempting to just stay there, but they don't have to be REALITY. Here's what David rested his life upon, and what I want to as well: when I put everything I am: heart, soul, energy, desires, aside and make room for the only One who is worthy of hope, expectation, love, my focus is off of everything that tends to pull me down. The more that I tend to think about how bad those kinds of days are, the worse they become. Instead, I pray that God will open the eyes of my heart, that He will blind me with His presence, and He will so completely overwhelm and overtake all of me that there is no room for that nasty mess. Even in the rough times, we have a choice: we can allow ourselves to slip down into the mess, to the mire and get caught up in "how bad" it all is...OR...we can run to the Rock, to the Lord...we can make Him our center, our Focus, our delight, our passion...and in doing so, suddenly realize that maybe we weren't as far in the muck as we'd thought.
Just a thought (or rather, several of them...:) my dear fellow travellers. I pray that today, no matter what your path may hold, you might find your eyes lifted up, in full exultation and adoration of the One who is completely worthy of our focus and our praise. Oh Lord...thank you that You truly are above it all!
...in Him...

The Joy of Process...:)

I have officially been married for three weeks, four days, and about three hours. In that short amount of time, I feel like I have experienced every emotion a person can know: love, joy, exultation, failure, sorrow, anticipation, epiphany, exhaustion...the list could go on. To say it even better, in the past three weeks I have found myself entering into life.
To be quite honest, I was really unprepared...I mean, horribly unprepared. The fault is mine. In my own world of hearts and butterflies and rose-colored glasses, I had painted a picture of reality with colors that don't exist...and that never will. In my mind, my "reality" was so perfect. Anything that didn't match it was not going to be good enough...period. It didn't take long to realize I was going to always be a very disappointed girl...:)
But, God is gracious (and forgiving), my husband is patient, and my earthly father is wise (brutally so...:/). Thanks to them, my eyes were opened to so many things. Reality (and for that matter LOVE) is what it is. It's not perfect, neat, and definitely doesn't fit into any pretty boxes I know of. Instead, it's messy, painful, and at times ugly. I didn't want to believe it...I couldn't...how could something that was supposed to be as perfect as I'd made up in my mind be so..well...not??
And yet (and I had to realize this with a lot of patience and grace...), that's the BEAUTY of it. It's not going to be dreamy, romanticized, or perfect...at least not our idea of perfect. But what is so amazing about God is that He designs us that way. The very fact that we'll never get it all right drives us to realize how badly we NEED Him. We have no other hope of joy, of life, of peace, or satisfaction without Him. The very fact that we are a jacked up people leads us to the One who is above it all. He alone is worthy...of love, hope, expectation, desire, delight...all of it.
Probably the other single most valuable lesson I have learned in all of this is that the journey...the path to this absolute satisfaction and delight in Him (and the joy that results in the other parts of my life because He is all), is a process. It takes time...it takes energy...it takes work. Not in the sense that we accomplish it all on our own...I'm no longer naive enough to believe in bless your heart philosophies like that one. Rather...God works in us...but it takes time and diligence for us to get out of His way, and to begin to work out the things He is working in.
And so...I am learning the joy of process. The joy that daily, I am learning what it means to place all my hope, all my expectation, all my desire, and all my love in the only One who will truly satisfy. I am learning what it means to die to myself, that I might rise to a life that is hidden in Him...that I might set my heart and mind on the things above, and in doing so find a burning satisfaction, a desire, a joy that consumes any girlhood fantasy I might want to create. I pray that you might know the same as well.
....live loved...
:)