a year in review

It's crazy to see all that a year can hold.  Today I celebrate my first year anniversary with my husband.  I know that I can say with absolute honesty that it has been so much more than either one of us had ever anticipated.  In some ways, so much has happened in the past year, and in others, we still have so far to go. One of the things that has been so beautiful is to think that a year ago, hearing myself say we have so far to go would have made me sad, almost like we had failed.  Today, saying that we still have so far to go brings me absolute joy.
Marriage is hard--gloriously and perfectly hard.  People tell you that whenever you first get married, but it doesn't sink in until about two or three months after the honeymoon.  At first, the fact that it was hard killed me--I never imagined that it would be like that (I know, incredibly naive on my part, right?? :)  Now, admitting it is hard brings me so much joy:  it's supposed to be hard...it's a good kind of hard.  Nothing in my life has brought such a wide range of emotions, taught me so many things, or sanctified me more.
My view of marriage was that God had designed it for the couple.  Sure, I got that they were supposed to love each other like Christ has loved us...but I had no idea what that means.  I don't claim to really know that a year later, but I can say with confidence that I am closer.  Every single day, mine and Kade's love for each other has shown me more and more what it really means to love as our precious Lord has loved us.  Just like my precious Savior, Kade chooses to love me, even though I am incredibly unworthy and undeserving of it.  In fact, far too often I deserve the very opposite of his love...usually I deserve his frustration or his judgment.  And yet that's not what he offers me.  And just like my Savior, I am called to extend unconditional love and grace to my husband...even when it is the last thing I want to do (or the last thing he deserves).
It sounds so simple...such a "duh" thing, right?  And yet, the very process of it is life changing, sustaining grace to both of us.  Each day, that process of choosing to love, to sacrifice, to forgive truly knocks off our rough edges (and there are many for both of us...:), and brings us closer and closer to the image of Christ.  All of a sudden it's not about us...it's about Him:  His image, His love, His grace, His glory and making it known both to each other and those around us.
And at first, it doesn't sound like a very exciting--and certainly not "romantic" thing--and that is where we are so wrong.  In the end, it is everything...all that matters.  What a precious gift from my Father, that I could know and appreciate His love and grace more, that I could make much of Him with my precious husband, and that I could get to be made more like Him, both for His glory, and my good.
And so to my God...I thank you for the past year...and I praise You for the work You are still completing in us...
And to my love...thank you for going through the process with me...being ever patient with how slowly I walk it at times.  I can honestly say that I love you (though still so imperfectly), that I am finally learning what that really means, and I rejoice with all I am that I get to spend the next 75 years (at least :) going through that very process with you...seeing Christ more and more vividly in you, even as you see Him in me.
Here's to love...real, deep, abiding love...the kind that makes it through the process...and is so worth waiting for.